Attack of the Giant Leeches (1959)

 

'Attack of the Giant Leeches' or if you like...'Giant Leeches Invade Dixieland' or 'Giant Leeches vs. The Good Old Boys'.

So back to the 50's we go with the ever-popular (for the time) monster flick. Or to be more precise, giant bug attack flick. Back in those days it was either aliens, giant bugs, or mysterious monsters. I have mentioned before in previous reviews how during this period virtually every form of bug (and various other species) was used for these types of movies. Giant locusts, spiders, frogs, birds, ants, scorpions, crabs, praying mantis, lizards etc...We've even had killer rocks and trees.

I have also mentioned in previous reviews how these movies tend to be generally exactly the same, and this is no different. Once again giant man-eating creatures are crawling around the outback nowhere near civilisation and terrorising some small all-American town. Usually it's out in the desert somewhere but this time it's deep in the Everglades. Nevertheless the townsfolk are still the same predictable bunch we always see. The good-looking square-jawed White male lead, his attractive White female companion, the elder wiser White male who explains everything (and gives us exposition), and of course the ugly chubby sceptic cops.

The plot? People start disappearing in the Everglades and no one knows why. The main good-looking protagonist and his attractive companion soon think they know but of course no one in town believes them. Eventually they manage to drag everyone (the hick cops) into their way of thinking and save the day, the end.

The monsters in question? Well they are supposed to be leeches...but they don't look like leeches. They kinda look like large squid/octopus tentacles and pretty much act like it too. The monster outfits in question are, predictably pretty bad even by B-movie standards. They appear to be simply large black bin bags or black raincoats stitched together. Yes I know that's what wiki says but that's pretty accurate. Unfortunately we don't even see them enough to enjoy their cheesy appearance, add to that how dark the picture was and it's a bit of a bust really. When we do see them you are clearly able to see it's just men in costume, especially when they 'carry' their prey away.

To be fair the acting all round is actually pretty solid considering. The budget was obviously non-existent but the cast actually do a good job and fit their roles. Leading man Ken Clark was actually pretty buffed up, can't deny a good-looking man with his Brad Pitt-esque locks. As for everything else less said the better really. The way they deal with the leeches is absolutely hilarious (just dropping dynamite randomly into the lake), and all the sequences within the leech lair are quite quite farcical to say the least. But if you're after hokey 50's schlock then you definitely can't go wrong with this one. Really could of done with more leech action though.

3/10

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

Fear not Ranger. Barbarian, Magician, Thief! Cavalier and Acrobat. I am Dungeon Master, your guide in the realm of Dungeons & Dragons.

Admittedly I'm not too sure if I would have liked an actual live-action recreation of the classic 80's cartoon going by Hollywood's track record on these things. I mean take a look at the small cameo we get of the classic team in this new movie. Yes we do actually see Dungeon Master's teen team pop up in this wannabe franchise. I'm sure it will have flown over younger viewers heads but to those in the know it was a fleeting moment of joy. But taking a closer look and you can see how Hollywood always manages to mess things up. Firstly the team are bizarrely older than they are supposed to be. Bobby the barbarian, Diana, and Presto all looked like middle-aged parents in costumes. Hank and Sheila looked okay but Eric they somehow managed to race-swap...sigh! Why Hollywood? The actual costumes looked pretty good though, Hank the Ranger especially.

As for this movie, well it's a pretty bog-standard mission (or level) based mcguffin search scenario. Find a person to ask for information, follow information to specific location for an item or another person. Go to next location for another item or another person etc...Eventually it all leads to end of movie showdown with end of movie big boss. That isn't necessarily a problem with this movie though as it's based on the Dungeons & Dragons franchise and that's what you tend to do. However, it does come across as somewhat overly basic and more like a generic videogame adaptation. 

Visually speaking it was a mixed bag really. Like many movies these days the effects swing from being impressive in one scene to downright terrible in another. Case in point here; whilst there are some really good makeup and prosthetics effects for various fantasy characters along with some really nice-looking sets, there are also some blatantly obvious greenscreen shots and God-awful CGI. I still don't get how this happens in these big-budget movies. An obvious greenscreen shot or sequence always pulls me out of the movie, or moment.

The casting was poor all around in my opinion. Once again there seems to have been an outright obvious push to make the movie as diverse as possible whilst sacrificing quality choices. Most actors here are unknown to me but their acting skills didn't really impress, nor did their appearances in their costumes.  Justin Smith, Rege-Jean Page, and the overly-used tough female character actress Michelle Rodriguez all looked completely out of place. Smith was a Black half-elf apparently, was this to rub in the faces of all the LotR's fans? I'm sorry but Elves aren't Black and neither are Dwarves. And yes I didn't like Pine's casting either, for me his face just didn't fit his character or this world. The only casting that did work for me was Hugh Grant as the slimy smarmy double-crossing Fitzwilliam, a far better villain than the actual main villain.

There were other aspects I found all too silly. I really didn't like the overweight dragon which was obviously CGI. Was this for comedy purposes? Swing and a miss. I also cringed at the all-too-common trope of using bald men with head tattoos as some kind of villainous horde of cult-like er...villains. How many fantasy movies have used that lazy idea? Geez!! Alas we also got the same for the main female baddie, bald with head tattoos...ugh! Because a powerful female sorceress has to be bald with head tattoos? She also turned out to be a really weak villain and got a blatantly nasty looking CGI ending courtesy of the CGI owlbear.

I couldn't really decide whether I liked this movie or not really.  Some aspects I really enjoyed such as the various D&D species/races you see throughout, some of which looked great. I liked the settings or locations throughout, a nice range that showcased the world or realm. The hero roster was a good selection and overall the plot moved along nicely. But apart from the few things I've already mentioned there was a little too much that brought the movie down in the end. Close but overall not quite enough to grab me.

5/10