The Munsters (2022)

The burning question, which do you prefer? The Addams Family or The Munsters? For me it's always been The Addams Family...but that's on the movie side of the franchise. I always found The Munsters to be a much better franchise on TV. The original 60's show just seemed more polished to me. But I have a soft spot for anything in that vein.

Of course over the years we've had a multitude of remakes and reboots for both franchises and in general they always tended to be a bit rubbish and not a patch on the original shows. So up steps cult horror director Rob Zombie to helm this new Munster movie. Yes that Rob Zombie, not quite sure how he managed to get this gig but there we go.

Plot wise this is actually an origins tale for the Munsters and (for some reason) combines many subplots, some pointless. Firstly we see how a (random?) crazy scientist (Richard Brake) creates Herman (Jeff Daniel Phillips) and gives him his unique name. We see how Lily (Sheri Moon Zombie) meets Herman. We see how the duo find their pet Spot. Herman briefly becomes a rock star. We see the original Transylvanian home of the Count (Daniel Roebuck) and Lily and learn that the Count's ex is trying to get revenge by taking his castle using his werewolf son Lester who owes her money. Lester eventually tricks newlywed Herman into signing over the castle to the Count's ex and she kicks them out. This leads to the Munsters moving to America (and because Herman wants to try and become a star). We also see them find and buy 1313 Mockingbird Heights and Herman get his job at the funeral parlor. 

What year is this set? No clue. In America everything seems pretty modern but Transylvania is clearly dated and populated with all sorts of ancient monsters (they even have their own restaurants). Why is the mad scientist wanting to create life? Unsure, he just is, but this also questions what year the story is supposed to be set in. Lily falls in love with Herman simply through seeing him on TV. Once the Count discovers this he immediately takes a dislike towards Herman for no real reason. The problem here is this take never gets resolved. Why does the Count (a vampire) have a werewolf for a son? I know this is a nod to the original series...but why?? And the fact they are all able to just somehow up roots and go live in America makes no sense, especially with them being monsters and all. 

Apparently Zombie wanted to film this feature in black and white, which would have been awesome, but alas the higher-ups said no. This led to the quite bizarre decision to light the movie like Joel Schumacher's Batman and Robin flicks. A hippy trippy-esque hyper colourful black light type of scope that totally shocks you and takes you out of the movie before it's even begun. I get the notion of originality and trying something new but this just felt totally wrong. Add to that the really weird and cheap looking filming technique that literally looks like someone did it on a smartphone on the fly. The entire thing was also clearly filmed in an Eastern European country which often tends to come across as visually cheap (for some reason).

So whilst it wasn't Zombie's fault that he had to film in colour, his choice to amplify the colours unfortunately leaves everything looking woefully tacky in the light of day. Unfortunately this affected everything because the charming spooky look of the original show was gone. Of course colour doesn't always render things worse visually, but in this case black and white would have easily boosted the atmosphere just like it did with the original show. The makeup for instance was actually pretty good here if you ask me. Lester the werewolf, Count Orlock, Grandpa (the Count) Munster, and various other ghouls all looked really good, but in black and white they would have looked even better.

Cast wise is a mess with Zombie casting his friends and wife as usual. Both Sheri Moon Zombie and Jeff Daniel Phillips seem to have no real clue how to play their iconic characters. Yes you could say it's their spin on the characters but eh. Neither of them do this project justice and simply come across as people cast because they are a friend and wife of the director. I mean seriously, could Zombie not actually be bothered to even look for anyone else? Many of the cast have multiple roles here too, like sheesh! Zombie actually cast actors from his ultra adult horror flicks to be in this family friendly sitcom adaptation, dude! And where on earth did they dig up Sylvester McCoy from??

I dunno, I just don't, did I like this? I kinda appreciate the fresh start with an origins tale, new ideas, and the added lore from Zombie isn't actually that bad (I liked his take on Igor and how he ends up as a bat). On the other hand much of it seems wasted, unresolved, and ultimately overstuffed. The movie is quite long yet there was still not enough time to cram everything in or focus on what needs to be focused on. There are quite a lot of nods and winks to the original series but many are pointless and unexplained such as Tin Can Man. There are also a few iconic character actors that pop up here and there as you would expect. And towards the end we do see 1313 in all its glory looking superb if I do say so myself (even in colour). Although I still don't get the choice of having the Transylvania portion of the movie in shocking neon-esque colour and then the America portion in regular colour.

But aside from the all the ham and cheese, the charm and schtick, The Munsters was about family and being yourself. The core of the original show was that the Munsters were an odd looking family that believed they looked normal, like everyone else. The comedic spin was seeing how regular looking folk reacted to the family and how the Munsters just didn't get it. Yet despite this, the family always stuck together. They loved and accepted each other and treated everyone else likewise. You get none of that in this movie. In fact right at the end you get a scene which flips the script and shows how disgusted and shocked the Munsters are of their regular looking neighbourhood whilst the neighbourhood seems to be unoffended by them. Clever twist or horrendous miss? Same question for the entire movie really, eh...it wasn't too bad. 

5/10

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022)

 

Somehow the first movie did well and now we have the inevitable and imaginatively titled Sonic the Hedgehog 2, although keeping in line with the videogames makes sense I guess. Nevertheless, the first movie in my opinion was utter garbage, visually poor garbage at that. Is this any better? No, no it is not.

Dr. Robotnik (Jim Carrey) is still trapped on the Mushroom planet it seems, frankly a WAY more interesting location for a movie, but I digress. I get this is just a movie for kids but you just know things aren't looking good when Robotnik manages to escape said Mushroom planet with the most ridiculously over-the-top plan that conveniently relies on random characters being in the exact right spot or doing the exact right thing at the exact right time. 

From this point on Robotnik meets Knuckles and the pair go back to Earth so they can both get Sonic. Robotnik wants revenge and to rule the world or whatever, Knuckles also wants revenge because he thinks Sonic screwed over his ancestors or something. This involves getting some mcguffins that will grant the user the power to basically do anything they want, or something like that. Hey look, this stuff works in videogames sure, but even in a dumbs kid's movie this is shallow stuff.

Meanwhile back on Earth Sonic is living with his politically correct mixed race family and getting into all kinds of generic teenager hijinks, because teenagers. What comes next is essentially the most cookie-cutter guff you could possibly imagine. You don't even need to watch the movie because if you've ever seen any other kid's adventure type flick you can guess. Robotnik gets back to Earth and with Knuckles help and super strength they both go after Sonic with his apparent infinite amount of robot drone things. These drones look highly technical and expensive but Robotnik has gazillions apparently and it doesn't matter how many get destroyed.

So cue lots of bad CGI battles with CGI drones, lots of destruction, and some Sonic and Knuckles fanbase fodder. Seemingly out of nowhere and for no other reason than just because, Tails turns up and teams up with Sonic because videogame! Sonic learns about mcguffin from Tails and off they go on some cheesy-ass adventures in Russia, some snowy mountains, and then deep underground in an undiscovered ancient temple. All said locations essentially recreate levels from Sonic games or any other generic platform videogame. In the end Robotnik betrays Knuckles so he teams up with Sonic and Tails and everyone battles Robotnik in his huge stupid looking mech that he creates using the mcguffin power.

These movies have to be some of the most overrated in years. On one hand it's tricky to review something like this because it's mainly for kids and I'm definitely not a kid anymore. Yet on the other hand I am a retro gamer and this is or should be somewhat directed at someone like myself as part of the old original fanbase from back in the day. Alas it seems they have (somewhat understandably) gone down the kid's route and simply made something insanely dumb. The entire thing is as generic as it gets but in this day and age originality is hard to come by so I get it. 

The casting and acting are quite frankly abysmal and I can't understand why they made the choices they made. The voice casting of Edris Elba for Knuckles was completely 100% wrong in my opinion. His voice was way too deep, it just didn't sound right to me. Carrey merely tries to recapture his 90's lunacy and fails, much like he did in the first movie. His time is mostly spent with weak jokes and quips surrounding his moustache. Everything involving James Marsden, Tika Sumpter, and Natasha Rothwell was painfully bad. The entire wedding sequence just seemed like a reason to give Rothwell and Shemar Moore more screen time for comedy which was a huge mistake. 

I mean, what can I say? I really didn't like this and it probably doesn't help that I really didn't like the first movie either. The whole franchise so far is overly simplistic and juvenile (I know I know) with bad acting and so-so visuals. It just feels like they're relying on Jim Carrey to carry the whole thing and unfortunately he isn't, or can't. Yeah sure Sonic and his old pixel friends look like their videogame counterparts and there are some nice touches dotted here and there, but the bulk is just puerile and cringe.

3/10

Morbius (2022)

 

This is one of those Marvel movies that is really more of a Sony movie which only revolves around the Spider-Man universe, a universe that is virtually separate from the MCU, for now at least. Yet this specific movie doesn't really have any direct references to Spider-Man other than the odd easter egg.

This is one of those Marvel characters that always seemed a bit silly to me. Why do you need a vampire in a world of superheroes? Surely having lots of superheroes is enough? The introduction of vampires always felt like an unnecessary genre crossover to me. To be clear, 'Blade' is in his own vampiric universe, but Morbius is within the Spider-Man universe, I just don't think he fits in. I don't think you need a vampire to be in Spidey's world, leave vampires for vampire flicks.

Another problem here is the origins story for Morbius is exactly the same as any other character, except he become a vampire. Morbius had a tough childhood suffering from a strange genetic (?) blood illness which saw him isolated away in hospital. There he did manage to befriend another boy his own age with the same illness. As an adult Morbius tries to uncover a cure for his illness by using vampire bat genres spliced with his own (unsure what this illness is supposed to do to him but he has to use crutches?). Lo and behold this turns him into a vampire, because OF COURSE IT DOES! He must then struggle to control his new vampiric urges to kill people and drink their blood (ugh!). But fear not, he manages to control it, embrace it, and be a good vampire. Naturally his childhood friend (now super rich) eventually gets a hold of this prototype cure, uses it, and also becomes a vampire...but a bad one (ugh!!).

Yeah so the plot is completely and utterly the same crapola we've all seen a shitzillion times before, simply replace the superpower. The thing is director Daniel Espinosa decided to take this movie in a more adult orientated direction (which Sony apparently allowed) and abandon the MCU tomfoolery. A wise choice? Well judging by the box office no but in all fairness I was slightly surprised by this. I went in expecting this movie to be complete garbage due to fact it bombed but found myself thinking it was sort of okay, only just.

Don't get me wrong, this is not a good movie. The story is generic as hell. The movie has every superhero/vampire cliche in the book and follows a simple paint-by-numbers strategy. You know exactly what is going to happen, it's all fully predictable virtually right down to the dialogue. To make things worse the CGI special effects are very average, not terrible, but just entirely average. On the whole the movie is actually extremely dull both visually and generally. Most of the movie is taken up within clinical settings with Morbius being a scientist on the hunt for a cure. The rest of the movie is set within bleak boring night cityscapes/rooftops that offer no flare or anything dynamic considering this is a superhero flick.

The movie does actually do well with its adult horror angle though. This is the funny thing, had this been a low-budget, non-superhero based, vampire horror flick it might have done quite well. I could totally see something like this, with its solid cast, doing pretty well within the horror fanbase. Considering this is supposed to be a Spider-Man universe movie it's damn dark and foreboding. The horror aspect is ramped up pretty high with relatively intense sequences of action and vampirism. The fact you've got Jared Leto and Matt Smith both acting their hearts out for this silly Spider-Man spin-off movie also heightens everything to almost ridiculous levels of seriousness. Although the casting of Tyrese Gibson reminds you this is a stupid comicbook flick.

This is certainly a strange beast to be sure. It's a comicbook movie that certainly has all the regular comicbook tropes right down to a stupid nonsensical mid-credits scene. Every comicbook box has been well and truly ticked here. Yet at the same time the main star casting along with the director's dark adult approach gives us a somewhat unique comicbook movie that borders on (and looks like) a more grittier horror. And yet despite all that it's still quite bizarrely boring. I dunno, I didn't hate it, it was a reasonable vampire flick, don't judge me.

5/10

Lightyear (2022)

 

Who knew the 'Toy Story' franchise could be so expansive with this movie within a movie, from the perspective of Andy (and all the humans) of the original movie. 

A quasi spin-off from the franchise that sees Buzz Lightyear return in a quasi sort of way whereby this actual Buzz Lightyear movie is supposed to exist within the 'Toy Story' universe. This Buzz Lightyear would be the 'live-action' version of Buzz within the original movie universe that inspires the toy line of Buzz which we all know and love from the 'Toy Story' franchise. This would also explain why Chris Evans provides the voice for this Buzz and not Tim Allen because they are supposed to be completely different characters. Chris Evans' voice would be the 'real live action' voice of Buzz and the CGI actor we are seeing would be the 'real live action actor' of Buzz, in the 'Toy Story' universe. Phew!

So if we all lived in the 'Toy Story' universe or world, we would go to the cinema to watch THIS 2022 movie of Buzz Lightyear as if it was the latest new live-action blockbuster which would in turn provide all the Buzz Lightyear doll merchandise (that magically somehow comes to life). Blimey! Surely there's gotta be a simpler way to make a 'Toy Story' spin-off?!

I can't help but feel all this will have probably gone way over every child's head and they'll all simply be asking why the hell Buzz sounds different to the other movies. Heck, this whole thing is even confusing for adults to the point where you just give up and ignore the whole movie within a movie premise and just enjoy. But will kids like the new CGI approach? Hmmmm.

But can you enjoy? Well yes, yes you can, hell I did and I'm pretty old and grumpy. For starters I loved the entire tech aspect of this movie. Despite this being a Disney spin-off from a wildly childish fantasy franchise the technology on display throughout this movie is really darn good! Everything actually looks logical, workable, and surprisingly grounded. It's like people really did think all this though to make it as surprisingly realistic as possible...with artistic license of course. The CGI is really nice looking overall from the alien world, the aliens, the humans, all their gear etc...I liked the ship designs, the small details on all the equipment, the look of ship propulsion blasts, the technological advancements we see over the years etc...

This might sound silly but to me the futuristic look and design of everything we see had a kind of 'Aliens'/'Warhammer: Space Marine' vibe about it all, but PG. Granted things take a silly turn when the evil robots and Zurg turn up because they have to stick to the 'Toy Story' franchise, but it's not too bad.

I can't deny this movie also got me in the feels too. The characters aren't anything special or unique but their story of getting stranded on an alien planet (luckily with a breathable atmosphere, nice weather, plants etc...) is engaging. Their mothership crashes on said alien world damaging their hyperspace crystal, rendering them marooned. In order to have any hope of getting back to Earth they must try and recreate the hyperspace crystal (not really explained how they manage this) with Buzz taking dangerous test flights with prototype crystals. Alas time dilation occurs for Buzz every time he flies and as the years go by the colony expands and his friends all die introducing us to new characters. This simple evolution of time with the characters is actually quite moving in classic Pixar fashion, definitely got me choked up. The evolution of the colony is also really well visualised.

As previously said I didn't really like the whole 'future old man Buzz' angle and the introduction of Zurg, kinda ruined the whole vibe and flow for me. It also doesn't say what or where old man Buzz got this highly advanced technology from. He just flew into the distant future and miraculously bumped into some advanced lifeforms and nicked their gear. Gear that he was able to fathom out and use apparently. I also didn't really like most of the supporting characters as we have our usual box-ticking from Disney and I'm really starting to not like Taika Waititi or his voice. Can't put my finger on why but more and more he seems like an overhyped fluke. Here his character was annoying and ridiculously useless.

I gotta be honest I was surprised by this one, expected garbage...didn't get it. I found myself enjoying the world building first half of the movie far more than the actual mission based second half. Do you forget it's based on 'Toy Story'? Yes, well I did. Apart from the odd line here and there that harks back to the classic franchise you do forget you're watching Buzz Lightyear in action. Although the little nostalgic verbal quips from Buzz are welcome little touches, they didn't go overboard with franchise key jangling. So overall I did actually find this a nice engaging animated sci-fi romp with just the right amount of humour and heart. A bit by the numbers for sure, familiar territory and safe, but hey it worked for me.

6/10