Parker (2013)

Wholly crap another novel adaptation! I was surprised to discover this character was actually the guy Mel Gibson portrayed in 'Payback'. That did ring a bell seeing as the characters in both films are the same, anti-heroes. Back then the rights to the character name 'Parker' weren't there apparently.

So the plots to this adaptation and 'Payback/The Hunter' are virtually the same! Parker is betrayed by a gang, shot, and left for dead. He then proceeds to spend the entire film going after those who betrayed him. The problem here is the whole film is spread out with absolutely nothing of interest merely to see Parker get revenge at the end. The film only had to be about 30min long and that would have sufficed.

The cast is a terrible mistake, everyone. Statham is not the guy you want for a supposedly dark noir crime thriller (according to the original source), his presence merely lowers this film's intelligence levels and gives everyone the wrong impression before seeing it. You know most people will be expecting a martial arts-filled 'Transporter' type flick.

The bad guys don't seem very bad at all, I mean they are not nice but they're hardly hardened criminals. Chiklis as the leader isn't threatening ever, I dunno why but he just looks like he's gonna burst out into slapstick. Another guy looks like a young Jon Cryer (which isn't too good), and Clifton Collins Jr. who is normally good for a violent nutter, is very quiet.

Then we have the car crash that is Lopez, dear lord how does this woman find work in Hollywood?! She can't act, she's no good in a thriller like this and constantly ruins scenes (comic relief apparently). She looks like your typical skinny middle-aged rich LA residing female with heaps of makeup and hairspray plastered on. And on top of that, all she does in this movie is whine. It amuses me when these mega-rich stars portray working class characters that are down on their luck because they have no idea what it's like to be in that situation.

It's all very slick and glitzy with the glamorous Florida locations, fancy cars, and huge mansions set against a sunkissed sky. You'd think it was a Bond flick. But none of this really seems to fit together well, it all feels bog standard and tired, amazingly generic, and even the film's poster is drab and uninspiring.

A very mundane below par action movie that's no different from many other Statham efforts that have gone directly to DVD. The whole thing is so utterly pointless, unoriginal, and unexciting because apart from the very start and the very end there is nothing happening. Parker simply wonders around breaking in here and there and stealing cars, all the while looking highly obvious while he does it.

4.5/10