Thursday, 9 January 2014

Red 2 (2013)




















The OAP secret agent club is back and the makeup levels have increased tenfold. The over the hill Expendables strike again and this time there are new members to the team...sort of.

Mission status: your bog standard, obligatory, run of the mill, over the top James Bond type secret agent tomfoolery with 'Mission: Impossible' styled stunts and vehicle chase sequences. Throw in light-hearted comedy to soften the violence and utilise lots of age jokes.

I think the problem here is firstly this genre is so so so so so so utterly and completely flooded with so many films that are all the same with the same action sequences, its just dull. There is absolutely nothing exciting about watching these aged actors pretending to be action heroes, under layers and layers of makeup attempting to make them look young and fit whilst the whole time its simply watching stunt doubles. I mean really, what's the point? half the film isn't the actual cast!.

Willis clearly doesn't care anymore, the guy is done, past it and doesn't care about acting, he should retire. Louise-Parker is the most annoying female I've come across since Sandra Bullock, she merely smirks, grins and acts coy the entire time, that's all she and Willis do! perform awkwardly as a couple together, its dreadful. Watching Mirren is literately like watching my gran (God rest her soul) in an action flick! its embarrassing. The only person to have more makeup on than Mirren was Zeta-Jones who looked like a frankfurter, how much makeup Jones?? it doesn't make you any sexier or a better actress, give it up.

Only good old Malkovich still manages to shine with his bumbling trigger happy persona and Hopkins isn't too bad as the under assuming scientist type with a secret. But wait! the powers that be have really gone to town this time and have tried to hire every aged/aging British thesp they can get their hands on. Enter Thewlis as some other secret agent bloke who is a dab hand with a gun...unsurprisingly. Cox is also back again as Mirren's Russian love interest but does nothing accept sniff her boots.

After all that we have Lee Byung-Hun who really sticks out like a sore thumb. A primed firm fit buff martial artist who can take down hordes of men single handed yet can't defeat old man Willis. Surely this dude could and should kill the whole team without breaking sweat, its like he should be in a totally different movie.

Nothing of much interest happens for the whole film in all honesty, a few fights, a few shootouts, a dash of lame comedy, Willis and Parker displaying some of the worst acting you've ever seen etc...Its only at the end do we see some fast n furious action...errr in the form of a 'Fast n Furious' styled car chase sequence...in a Lotus that came outta nowhere. The action is hyper yet dumb, so very dumb. I love the standard modern action movie cliches of bad guys spraying these fancy cars with machine gun fire yet no damage is visible, plus no one ever thinks to shoot out the tyres. The less said about the hideous helicopter crash that Willis and co walk away from the better, oh so they are invincible super agents after all.

A complete and utter rehash of the first film which somehow manages to be less exciting, not as funny and with tired performance from Willis. First film was quite quirky and fun seeing these old boys kick ass, now its just deflated and repetitive. There just doesn't seem to be any point to this films existence other than simply to try and make more money, just crank out another, no thought, no worries, roll out more of the same, no one will notice or care...its got Bruce Willis in it.

3/10