Thursday 16 April 2015

Barb Wire (1996)





















Back in the days when comicbook movie adaptations were generally wankadoodle and shrugged off within days of release, we got this. The ultra sexy, ultra tough female Dark horse character that is a bar owner by day, umm...and a part time bounty hunter by day also, naturally all set within a war ravaged dystopian future Earth (2017 people! we're almost there!). Now I bet you're thinking I'm gonna say this movie changed the game and set comicbook movies on the right path...well you're wrong.

Now I knew nothing about the original Dark Horse character (still don't), like many at the time I only found out about her when this movie came out, after which there was a feverish scramble to find out more. Why you might ask, well its simple, this movie was basically a soft porn flick for Pamela Anderson (check wet strip tease at the films start), heck even the movies poster looked like a cheap porn flick image. Sounds crazy I know but back in the day Anderson was the biggest blonde bombshell since Marilyn Monroe (probably bigger) and this was her vehicle. Whether or not the movie followed the original comicbook source material I don't know but that simply didn't matter back then. This was a chance to squeeze Anderson into a skintight fishnet clad dominatrix outfit and have her gun down lots of faceless bad guys...with the odd bit of crotch crushing with her black thigh high leather boots (I'm actually turning myself on right now).



The plot...what plot?? this was all about sex guy! But seriously the plot kinda ripped-off the classic 'Casablanca' believe it or not. Set during the second American Civil war in the only free city of Steel Harbor, a former government scientist is trying to escape to Canada with the help of a freedom fighter. The reason being they have information on a secret new bio weapon in development by the Nazi-like Congressional Directorate (the bad guys that overthrew the old democracy and started the war). The only reason Barb Wire is involved is because she has these special contact lenses that enable people to pass through the Nazi's retinal scans which would allow the fugitive pair to escape the US. Thing is Barb is a bitch, she doesn't play by the rules and she's on no ones side, or is she? The plot is wafer thin, had Barb just cooperated at the start the movie would have been over very quickly, and there's no real reason for her not to cooperate frankly.

In typical 90's fashion this movie is visually just like all the other sci-fi action flicks of the 90's. You name it, 'Johnny Mnemonic' 'Freejack' 'Strange Days' etc...they all have a very similar bleak industrial future Earth vibe going on. Lots of steel structures usually battered or shiny, deserts, scrap yards, computer monitors everywhere, Mad Max-esque vehicles, skimpy outfits for females and generally in that typical barbaric apocalyptic setting. Yet despite its incredibly cheesy overused visuals I can't deny the film does look good for the most part. You could easily think this might be an early Michael Bay movie with all the glossy closeups of ass, sunsets, dust shots, gleaming metal, biker porn and glorious extreme usage of explosions and gun play. There are actually some nice shots here and there, some good use of sci-fi technology in an imaginative way and some well choreographed sequences. One gun battle between some thugs and Barb is actually quite decent, the gun shot sound effects are very effective with solid booms and thuds.






















I must also give kudos to the fact that they went with an adult rated movie and kept everything nice and...errr adult. Lets be honest with someone looking like Pammy Anderson you could hardly make a PG-13...not with those perfectly large, fake, round boobs bursting from their tight restraints. Again I don't really know how accurate everything is here but the grimy, rain soaked, heavy metal, leather-bound biker theme is pretty prominent and who am I to say that is wrong. Sure its cliched and kinda redneck-ish but bugger me if Pammy doesn't fit in so well, she's the perfect blonde biker chick from hell and she does admittedly look stunning, slutty but stunning (slutty is good mkay).






















All the acting is pretty terrible throughout from everyone involved obviously including Anderson, but we all know why she's here and its not for her thespian skills. A B-list of semi-famous character actors (for the time) make up the other characters, Xander Berkeley, Temuera Morrison, Steve Railsback and cult star Udo Kier who is easily the best thing here. Its actually funny watching all the male actors in this movie because I swear they're all doing their best manly swagger acting to try and impress Anderson, like moths to a light, not that I blame them. Berkeley especially seems to be trying some kind of Clint Eastwood impersonation half the time, the quickfire one-liners really don't help him either, its all very cringeworthy at times. Gotta admit Railsback is actually quite good as the Nazi-esque leader with his stormtroopers, clearly enjoyed chewing up the scenery with his evil snarls.

Things do go downhill towards the end I must say, all the stereotypical, steamy, neon lit bar/club scenes with goth rock chicks and bondage clad females was pretty darn sweet at the start. As the film climaxes it all gets too silly with stupid shoot-outs, a car chase and somehow all the characters ending up fighting at the top of a massive crane...can you guess how it might end? I'll be honest its not terrible, I've seen much worse, at least this film knows its a silly booty-fest for males to leer at and doesn't try to be anything else. In that sense the film does work, its lives up to expectations and gives you exactly what a comic/graphic novel would (in some cases), overblown violence and ass. Lets be brutally honest here, Anderson might not be the best actress but she certainly looks the part of a hardcore badass femme fatale, can't deny her that.

Much like 'Tank Girl' at no point was this movie ever really going for gold, you know what you're gonna get from it so you know what to expect. Being a fan of the source material might help but in general this was simply a movie for blokes to get hard watching Pammy Anderson kick ass in tight revealing attire, mission accomplished movie.

6/10

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