It seems Hollywood is intent on making pointless remakes and sequels to movies that in no way require them. The days of stand-alone movies appear to be gone as literally anything can get a sequel no matter what. It doesn't even matter how the original movie ended, they will still try to wangle something out of it. Case in point, 2003 black comedy 'Bad Santa', a devilishly wicked little affair that was somewhat original and gave adults something to giggle over after the kids had gone to bed. Did this movie need a sequel? No, it was a clear stand-alone movie, plain and simple, yet here we are.
Believe it or not but the plot to this movie once again revolves around our protagonist Willie Soke (Billy Bob Thornton) getting into a Santa outfit, the hell you say. Believe it or not but the plot also requires Willie's old partner in crime, Marcus Skidmore (Tony Cox), to also once again join him as an elf so they can pull off a heist. Said heist simply revolves around trying to rob a charity organisation in Chicago. The only major difference with this movie is they have Willie's mother Sunny (Kathy Bates) to help them.
So Willie and Marcus are going to attempt to steal all the loot from within the office of this charity organisation. Obviously in order to get into this office they are gonna need to scout around, get the lay of the land and eventually break in somehow. So what does that mean? why lots and lots of profanity, sexual acts and the usual double crossing of course. Seriously this movie has clearly gone all out to simply be more outrageous and disgusting than the original...for no real reason it seems. I don't have an issue with this if it actually made any real sense to the plot. Take Willie for instance, an alcoholic, malnourished, dirty bum with nothing to his name, yet he still manages to get hand-jobs from busty blondes and sex from the sexy female charity organiser (the one he's trying to steal from). Like I realise this is a dumb comedy but come on now, why would these women be attracted to this guy when he's made out to be so disgusting.
Then you have Marcus, who virtually does nothing for the entire run time other than swear and look sorry for himself. It's bloody obvious this guy is still mad at Willie from the first movie and it's bloody obvious he's gonna try and screw Willie over. But this guy has nothing to do here, he's merely there for size and sexual innuendo gags. OK sure he was doing the same shit in the first movie but that was the first movie. In fact I felt sorry for the guy because this time he gets turned down by a curvy lady who ends up f*cking Willie! (apparently this guy is some kind of low-life, homeless sexual magnet). Thurman Merman is back again too (couldn't leave this guy out) although I don't know why. Much like Marcus he does nothing for the run time (even less than Marcus), he only seems to be here again to offer redemption for Willie's character right at the end.
The best thing about this movie has to be Kathy Bates as Willie's old mum Sunny. Now even though the inclusion of this character is utterly groan-inducing in its lack of originality, predictability, and tired old cliches, I can't deny it worked to a degree. Bates fits into this role like a glove, she looks like pure overweight white trash and then some. On the other hand, when she cleans and dresses up to play Santa's wife with Willie for a gig, she looks absolutely perfect for that too. The perfect white-haired old granny and the perfect leather-clad biker bitch from hell! Bates is clearly having a ball letting loose here and she almost saves the film, if it wasn't for the fact that her character is so damn obvious.
'I smoked two packs of menthol a day, washed it down with a layer of this gin, and I could still fill this shot glass with this man's j*zz'
This movie is desperately short on plot and way too high on filth, it's almost as if they were doing it for shock value. It wouldn't be so bad if any of it were actually amusing but most of it is either outright disgusting or plain childish. Everything and anything you could possibly imagine being seedy is in this movie, rear-end sex in a dark dirty alley, your mother talking about all kinds of sexual stuff, masturbation, seeing people on the toilet, slutty girls, drunken brawls, being generally rude about fat people, casual racism, misogyny etc...Even the parts where the plot kicks into gear it's incredibly stupid. Like how did they rob that mansion without ever being spotted? And could the finale be any more flippin' predictable!!
All in all this was a major miscalculation if you ask me. Yes it's kinda amusing to see a drunk disheveled Billy Bob Thornton in a Santa outfit giving little kids the beady-eye and a mouthful as they take turns sitting on his knee (easily the best part), but that's literally it. Sure it's kinda amusing to see Kathy Bates acting like a c*ck hungry sl*t, swearing like a sailor whilst looking like a butch dyke, but it wears thin after the initial laughs. I won't lie and say the sex scenes didn't arouse me slightly (some good fantasy scenes in there). But I also can't deny that in the end, this movie did leave me actually feeling dirty, like I needed to have a shower. A case of trying to milk the last drop of money out of a franchise? Or simply giving Thornton some much-needed work? Probably both.
3.5/10
No comments:
Post a Comment