Its been 14 years since 'Jurassic Park III' (which I can't remember a sodding thing about). 2015 seems to be the year in which Hollywood digs up its old franchises, and yet surprisingly it hasn't ended in complete disaster. Again that's pretty unbelievable considering they started production for another Jurassic Park flick back in 2004 and was in development hell pretty much up to the present day.
So what are we up against here then mateys, the first classic movie pitted a small team of people against an island full of dinosaurs that were on the loose!..oh this film is exactly the same? errmm...oh. Well OK its not exactly the same, this time the park is open and fully operational with lots of dino attractions for all ages. The difference being, instead of a T-Rex getting loose and becoming the main antagonist, its a fictional genetically modified dinosaur with extra spikes and teeth that can transform int...oops, getting carried away there. But seriously it is that stupid, they create a dinosaur that has virtually every flippin' assault skill you can think of, the bloody thing can virtually cloak itself, pfft!
Yeah so we follow two sets of people around, firstly the inevitable kiddie characters with curiously retro looking haircuts (well one of them at least). Have you ever noticed these modern movies try to copy the hairdos from similar themed movies of the late 70's and 80's? The other pairing are the two adults consisting of Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard, let the cliched stereotypical onslaught commence!
Right so lets talk about this park, there are all sorts of dino attractions such as a SeaWorld type show featuring a shit-your-pants sized aquatic killing machine sea monster, canoe rides down a pleasant jungle river with harmless herbivores, and a little paddy area for the very young to play with baby dinosaurs. Right so its clearly a spin on various famous theme parks/wildlife preserves such as Disney and say...Gatorland (and obviously SeaWorld), in movie terms its 'Jaws 3', moving on.
All the characters in this movie are horrible predictable stereotypical cliches, and exactly the same as the first movie. Pratt's character is basically Indiana Jones, Howard's character is the typical soulless corporate bitch who you think might get eaten for being a soulless corporate bitch, but does in fact turn into a watered down Ellen Ripley. The kids are just the same as any other kid characters, the military types are just the same as any other military types wanting to use something for errr....military purposes, the science guys are all whitecoats and kinda dubious and the park controllers in the control room are the comedic relief.
Now apart from the plot being exactly the same as before, not only that, but they completely rip-off other movies too. There are not one, but two main sequences that, in my view, copy such movies as 'Aliens' and 'Predator 2'. Firstly the containment team getting wiped out by the I-Rex (I.Rex, iphone...lame play modern technology), and then the whole thing with the raptors wearing headcam gear, cute but again comes off like said movies. I also find it hard to believe that the original site (buildings) from the original movie would still be fully loaded with equipment and vehicles, plus left unlocked! And how exactly did that gyrosphere thing work? its suppose to be a ride right, yet the people inside have full control and can go anywhere they want?! I thought it was on a track or something at first, surely allowing unlimited control screams disaster.
Now don't get me wrong, I did enjoy this movie to a degree, there are some nice moments of excitement and its not entirely blood free either (which was nice). The location work is lush and stunning, makes me wanna go to Hawaii, the acting is solid and engaging and I liked the gigantic sea monster thing. The problem is there is nothing new here, at all! Its just a rerun of the first movie with the same characters. I mean come on, who didn't guess that the giant sea monster was obvious foreshadowing for the finale, or that the T-Rex would inevitably come into it because everybody has a hard-on for T-Rex's apparently. If the I.Rex is such an intelligent creature why would it go around killing everything for fun? I mean yeah...for fun, sure, its a sadist, I get it. But surely most creatures, especially intelligent, wouldn't act like that unless it was pushed or forced to. To top that the CGI on show is pretty average really, the I.Rex just looks like a pale T-Rex with horns and somehow CGI on the whole isn't as good as the original movie, although dino eyes look good that's for sure.
I get the analogy here, how modern society just wants bigger, better, badder, faster etc...We are all greedy, never content, never happy, taking things for granted and of course, the corporate excess machine. The fact that regular dinosaurs have become boring to people, they want bigger, more dangerous ones, more blood and gore...are we not entertained??!! You know, how could anyone not be in awe over a simple dinosaur? The whole thing speaks volumes about us as a society and the movie industry (naturally), yet here we all are lapping this shit up, this movie did amazingly well, how? why? The movie pokes fun at itself for these reasons and simultaneously falls in the same trap yet again.
6.5/10
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