Sunday, 17 July 2016

Grimsby (UK, 2016)

Ah Grimsby, bastion of the north, the seaport of Kings, forever now emblazoned throughout cinematic history in a British comedy. Damn shame its in this stinker of a flick though innit! sheesh! Now don't get me wrong here folks, I think Sacha Baron Cohen is a bloody genius! his comedic skills, along with a complete lack of shame and tact, is the stuff of legend here in the UK. This amazing talent is typical of British comedy, the anarchic, crazy, no bars hold approach that we have all been privileged to witness throughout the decades. Yeah I know the Yanks think we are all tea sipping buttercups that wouldn't say boo to a ghost, but I still have no real idea why that image persists.

Alas the whole idea here is weak, its tired and formulaic, its basically another spy parody or spoof (ugh!). I mean seriously, how many of these do we flippin' need?? Anyways the plot goes like this, the Grimsby brothers have been separated for the last 28 years, Nobby has since become a slobby, alcoholic with 11 kids, whilst Sebastian has gone the other way and become a secret agent (agent for MI5). Sebastian (Mark Strong) comes across some info that an important actress named Rhonda George (Penelope Cruz), who is hosting a very important event for curing AIDS (I think), may be the target for assassination. Whilst attempting to stop said assassination Sebastian is thwarted by his own long lost brother, by accident, which in turn makes it appear that the pair are the attempted assassins. Naturally the pair must now evade the law whilst trying to unravel who is trying to assassinate Rhonda George and what they may or may not have planned for an upcoming event.

So for starters you have the age old cliche with two characters that are the polar opposite. Not only that but its an age old cliche within a cliche as one character is a slob and the other is a success. Sebastian is your typical Bond-esque hero, clean cut, very smart in appearance, well spoken, intelligent, multi-skilled, and equipped with gadgets. On the other hand, Nobby is your typical grungy, overweight, unshaven, tattooed, unemployed, chavish, English lout that spends all his time drinking, wearing an England football shirt and fucking his rather heavy wife. Is it me or was there a definite Liam Gallagher vibe going on here? Both Strong and Cohen do play these roles very well it must be said, in fact Strong does put up a pretty solid case for actually becoming the new Bond. Alas while Cohen is a good laugh as the yobbish but surprisingly caring Nobby, his character merely sounds like Ali G. His appearance is definitely spot on there's no doubt about that, but again its almost like a caucasian version of Ali G but not as smart if I can say that, minus the gang related paraphernalia. Unfortunately Cohen is completely unable to render a decent northern accent, he fails epically.

So what about the setups? the close to the bone comedy that Cohen is infamous for. Well its most definitely there that's for sure, but its pretty crap and cringeworthy too. For a start the humour is mainly toilet humour, nothing wrong with that, but its a hit and miss affair it really is. At one point Sebastian is hit with a poisoned dart in the shoulder and the only way for him to survive is having Nobby suck out the poison. Do I really have to explain where this is going? yeah you all know what happens next, poisoned dart to the testicle, you can guess the rest. But the main showstopping visual gag has to be the elephant scene. In order to evade capture by the bad guys, Seb and Nobby hide out inside an elephants vagina, yes you read this right, something that was foreshadowed earlier in the movie. So they indeed manage to avoid the bad guys, but alas they aren't able to avoid a horny male elephant trotting up to fuck said female elephant with the guys inside. What follows is can I put this? unique scene where the duo must jerk-off said male elephant in order that its penis softens and they can get out of the female elephants vagina. Oh but the amusing (ahem!) twist is the fact there's a whole line of male elephants waiting to fuck this female, oh how the hilarity ensues.

So is there any other brand of humour here other than cocks, animals, semen and other forms of general sexual innuendo? No! no there isn't really, well not unless you count the scenes where Nobby's young kids are swearing like sailors, watching elephant sex on TV, having oral sex with a very large black female, blocking the toilet with a big turd, shoving a virus filled firework up your ass etc...need I go on? I think the one gag that made me titter a little was Nobby telling Seb that he shaved one of his kids bald in order to claim disability benefits by saying he has leukemia. Should that be funny? probably not, I felt bad giggling at it.

There isn't really much to offer here truth be told. Scott Adkins plays a baddie from eastern Europe again, he has one scene where he does his thing, its lasts a few minutes and that's it. There are numerous pointless cameos that were clearly meant to big the film up. The whole Trump gag seemed a bit pathetic also, out of place and like an infantile dig. The entire football match finale sequence is an absolute joke, not only is it completely unfunny at every step, it looks pathetic and highly fake also. Dare I say that the liberal shooting of people gag from the midway point is actually a bit distasteful in this current political climate? Kinda felt a bit awkward to be honest. Finally the twist in the plot is generic and obvious, hell it feels like you're watching a Pink Panther flick or worse, a Scooby-Doo flick for adults. What seemed like a very promising adult, action filled romp from Cohen, unfortunately is anything but. Its safe to say the entire movie misses the mark drastically and more worryingly, they appear to try and setup a sequel at the end!