Thursday, 14 July 2016

The Angry Birds Movie (USA/FIN, 2016)

OK so I'm gonna be completely honest here and say I've never ever, ever played this game. Yes that's right, I'm not one of these people that plays videogames on my phone. I used to for a while, I had a few classics like R-Type, and I still have Fruit Ninja, but generally no. So unfortunately this means I probably missed all the key nods and winks and general elements of the game that were featured in this movie. So please bare this I mind when I rip this piece of crap apart...oh wait!

So, the plot goes something like this. There's this island called Bird Island (because the inhabitants are all birds you see) where everyone lives happily accept for one character called Red. I'm not sure how close to reality this little world is suppose to be though. Its clearly a fantasy but maybe a possible alternate reality because they have dinosaur history in this world also. Anyway Red is the videogames main logo or the face of the game (apparently), so he's our protagonist, a grumpy, anger prone...errr...bird. There are also various other cheerful cliched characters as of course you would expect but everything centres around Red. Half of the plot is about Red being given anger management lessons and that's how he meets up with other various birds which will help him later on down the line. This really is of little importance however as it just serves to introduce the other main characters. The rest of the plot simply revolves around a race of green pigs that turn up on Bird Island with the intention of stealing all the eggs.

Lets look at these main characters that are based off a videogame that I have no clue about. All the birds are stumpy and flightless, check. The main character is Red, an angry, red coloured, chunky bird with big thick eyebrows...because whatever. Bomb is a big fat, black coloured bird that (for some reason) looks like a cartoon shaped bomb complete with a little yellow coloured tuft on his head which looks like a fuse. Oh and he is also able to spontaneously blow up at will...because sure, whatever. Chuck is a slim, yellow coloured bird that zips around like crazy, he's kinda like the Speedy Gonzales of the trio. Obviously these characters look and act the way they do because in the videogame they have special traits for the gameplay, in the movie its just off the wall nonsense. The odd thing is the big hero character of Eagle actually looks like a real bird, you know...from reality, yet all the others look like cartoon birds, sure fine whatever.

So first off, why exactly do these green pigs wanna steal all the birds eggs? Apparently its so they can eat them, but surely they have food on their island no? They clearly survive and thrive perfectly fine without needing to steal a shit load of eggs, what do they normally eat? Also is it me or does it seem kinda creepy that the pigs wanna steal and eat the eggs which are essentially the unborn children of the birds. Isn't that basically mass kidnapping and mass murder? But when you think about it, how did they know about Bird Island and all the eggs? they sail up to the place making out they just discovered the place, probably a lie of course but...why are they wanting to steal the eggs again? I am also to presume the birds on Bird Island have never ventured very far from their island then, seeing as they had no clue who the pigs are despite the fact the pig island isn't that far away.

Now lets talk about this pig inhabited island, for a start, how come its so much more advanced than Bird Island? Seriously these pigs have planes and cars etc...while the birds seem primitive in comparison. Also, why the fuck is the island knee deep in TNT?! Where did they get all those explosives? did they make it? what do they use it for?? As for the buildings, why are they all built in the fashion they are? Towering rickety structures that look paper thin and are fragile as hell apparently, yet made of rock. When the birds attack the pigs trying to get their eggs back, these buildings come down like dominoes, they seem so fragile that I would be worried about gusts of wind. This also leads me to the entire attack by the birds, apparently these birds can't die then? They catapult themselves over vast distances, into buildings, and don't get injured or killed? I realise this is a kids flick but that kinda takes away any thrills or danger. Despite the buildings being made of solid materials like stone or wood, these birds can slam into these things without harm. Now I know what you're gonna say, its based on the videogame and that's what happens in the game. Yes I know that, but this is why making movies based on some vidoegames is stupid.

I found the plots notion about the pigs arrival on Bird Island apt I must say. I mean come on, was I the only one that saw the current worldwide immigrant crisis being touched on here? All the birds are welcoming in the pigs thinking its wonderful, while Red is suspicious of them and thinks the pigs coming onto the island will cause problems. Then later more and more pigs arrive and the island becomes more crowded and over populated, yet still the majority of the birds don't see the threat and ignore Red's warnings, carrying on oblivious. Its only Red that sees through the mist to see the truth. How very appropriate, I thought whilst watching.

Yes this is indeed a kids flick and kids should enjoy it, but is there anything here for adults and gamers? I guess there really should be and depending how you look at it there might be. In my opinion I don't think many adults will get much out of this. I know its a complete fantasy but much of it makes little sense, its off the wall, there is no legitimate threat from anything to engage you, its not funny, and it doesn't look all that special. As for gamers, well they might like it a bit more being able to point out all the little nods from the game, if you love the game then seeing a movie about it would be fun I guess. But end of the day the whole concept is just a worthless cashgrab, there's no need for it, its pointless. Lets see, a suitable analogy could be this, do you remember the videogame Lemmings? would you make a movie out of that (if it was still huge that is)? exactly.