Gunpowder Milkshake (2021)

 

Interesting title. I actually thought it was a Hollywood adaptation of an anime franchise at first. Or maybe some kind of 'Kickass' type clone. Turns out it's actually a sort of 'John Wick' clone but with a quirky comicbook-esque female angle (or a sort of 'Kingsman' clone).

The plot is about as original and exciting as a vanilla milkshake frankly. Young girl Sam (Karen Gillan) is abandoned by her assassin mother when the heat is on. She is then raised by her mother's employer Nathan (Paul Giamatti), who happens to run a firm that employed her mother as an assassin. 15 years later, and Sam is now a top assassin for the firm. On her newest mission, she must take out a man who stole money from the firm. Sam accidentally kills the man who tells her of his kidnapped daughter (why he stole the money). Abandoning her original mission of returning the money, she goes off to save the child, which leads to her losing the cash. Meanwhile, Nathan and the firm have learned that Sam accidentally killed the son of a top crime ring, so they must now abandon her in order to prevent all out war.

So, this might all sound kinda intriguing, but really, it isn't. This is exactly the same kind of twisty storyline that we've all seen a gazillion times before in a gazillion similar hitman-type flicks. The whole angle of an abandoned child being raised by a secret firm to be a top assassin, has been done how many times now? The fact that she follows in her mother's footsteps, and only later on to be reunited with her mother and face all those abandonment issues...ugh!! 

I think the real issue here is the blatant 'John Wick' rip-off aspects at play. Besides all the action being a direct clone of said movie, there's a secret hidden library run by three more top-secret female assassins, which serves assassins with weaponry. Think of this as 'The Continental' of this movie basically. But what is really daft is the fact that all the weapons are hidden within actual books. So if you want a specific weapon, you gotta go find the book! So, let's say you're in a hurry for a weapon, as happens in this movie. They have to dig through all these thick, heavy books to hopefully find something of use. Whose dumb idea was this?? When the ladies are giving Sam weapons, they just pile books in her arms (LOL!). Inefficient and inconvenient much?

I'm not even sure what that library is supposed to be, an independent organisation of some kind? Yet presumably linked with all the assassins, but unknown to the big criminal gangs? And all assassins in this world seem to be females? A perfectly diverse trio in charge of the library I might add, Michelle Yeoh (as the same martial arts character she always plays), Angela Bassett (trying way too hard to be a hardass), and Carla Gugino (the typical cardigan-wearing librarian).

It's not all stupid rip-offs though. The visuals and style of the picture are a bit unique. There is definitely a strong kind of comicbook vibe going on here. Very bright colours, many shots and sets look like a panel from a comic. Plus, there is a nice 50's Americana style here and there, mostly with the diner, which seems to be a secret, secluded meeting place for assassins and criminals alike. But also with some aspects, such as Carla Gugino's character look. It almost looks a bit like Dick Tracey (1990) at times. Unfortunately, it does also look cheap with awful CGI blood and gun flares, obvious greenscreen backgrounds, and obvious sets. You can tell it's a Netflix flick.

This movie really feels like a tonal mess frankly. The action is pretty bloody throughout, yet at other times it's hilariously tepid-looking. Watching Karen Gillan try to do John Wick-esque fight sequences was a bit embarrassing. She was horribly miscast here. They tried to make her look gritty, but it just doesn't work. It's like they couldn't quite make up their minds and commit fully either way. Visually its also all over the place. Like I said, it looks at times, but poor at others. Had they stuck with the colourful 50's aesthetic, they would have had something more original and engaging.

Basically, if you take 'John Wick', 'Kingsman', 'Dick Tracey', 'Kickass', 'Everly', and a whole host of similar movies. Throw it all in a blender, add terrible CGI and terrible greenscreen, and then water it down to a sort of PG12/15 level of violence (because they clearly couldn't make their minds up on the violence levels), and you have this. A very, very, very, unoriginal feature that I kinda feel Netflix churned out merely for content purposes. Absolute content!

4/10

A Force of One (1979)

 

What is that poster supposed to be? It looks like some kind of future-set science fiction movie. The movie tagline makes you think Chuck Norris is some kind of possible space cop, or space bounty hunter maybe. And once again, the movie title doesn't really reflect the movie you're going to watch. It all looks and sounds like a future-set 'Commando' type feature.

What we end up getting is a rather drab-looking, typical 70's cop/detective crime action flick with Chuck Norris having to once again save the day cos the cops aren't up to the task. And no I'm not joking, Norris is Matt Logan, a Karate champion (ugh!) who the police hire to train a special undercover unit in combat. What is their task? Well, a drug dealer is running his drug trafficking operation out of his sports goods stores (not joking). It's up to this special unit, with Logan's help, to bust this drug-dealing operation. So, no originality whatsoever then.

In all honesty, I'm finding it increasingly hard to review Chuck's old action flicks. I use the term 'action' loosely here as most of these movies do not actually have much action. All these early movies simply feel like very limp excuses to showcase Norris in the ring fighting. There is literally nothing much else happening here at all. The movie is extremely dull for the most part with loads of dialogue or exposition sequences. There are lots of scenes with cops snooping around, discussing plans, driving around, eating and drinking etc...It's all very basic looking, unexciting, and much like any number of 70's cop shows on TV.

Every now and then we get a little snippet of fighting with Chuck or the main villain's enforcer, Jerry Sparks, who also just happens to be a martial arts expert (played by Bill Wallace). I've never seen or heard of this guy before, but, naturally, he is a real kickboxing champion (apparently one of America's first stars in the sport). This definitely clicks because the guy's acting is atrocious despite looking the part. He isn't really used that much. There are some kills by a supposed mystery killer that is obviously him, and we only get to see some good stuff right at the end when he fights Chuck. The actual main villain of this film is virtually non-existent and in no way threatening or intimidating.

Chuck does very little here, in fact, less than his previous early action movies. I can't help but feel he's desperately trying to come across as a serious actor...that can do martial arts. Visually, he looks just the same as in his previous movies, he dresses in the same way, acts the same, is always a martial arts champion etc...You don't really feel like you're getting anything new here, this movie blends in with many of his previous early movies. He merely spends most of the run time playing this morally righteous nice guy, and doing very little.

The only real action in this entire boring feature is the big martial arts fight between Chuck and Sparks at the very end, and truth be told, it's not even that great! We get a very brief martial arts fight where nothing much happens. Sparks does a runner when the cops show up, and after a brief car chase, the fight continues in a field or wherever. The movie then ends with a very familiar-looking shot that occurred in another Chuck flick.

Yeah so, this was pretty bad frankly. The poster and title are almost false advertising. The casting was reasonable, with the small unit of diverse cops being an interesting group that could have maybe led to a more interesting movie. But overall, production values are poor throughout; it's definitely a product of its time and hasn't aged well at all. Just another excuse to see Chuck Norris fight in the ring, but they don't even deliver on that.

3/10

Silent Rage (1982)

 

The title of this movie really leads you astray in my opinion. It's a good title, sounds cool, sounds like you're in for some hard-hittin' action, possibly stealth-based. What you actually get is Chuck Norris vs. Michael Myers. Yes you read that correctly, Chuck Norris goes up against Michael Myers.

Okay, so it isn't exactly Michael Myers from the 'Halloween' franchise, but let's be brutally honest here. The character that Chuck faces off against in this movie (John Kirby, played by Brian Libby), is a large, well-built, mute male who has essentially been brought back from the dead, and runs around in a light grey boiler suit. He's even invincible and keeps coming for more. The only thing missing here is a mask. 

The plot is completely the opposite of what you'd expect from a Chuck Norris movie, obviously. A mentally ill man kills his family and is taken down by the cops, led by Sheriff Stevens (Norris). Near death, he is taken to an institute (but not a hospital?) where two crazy doctors decide to save him with a special formula that one of them created. Said formula enhances cellular strength and regeneration. So they inadvertently create a Frankenstein-esque monster who goes off on a killing rampage. Did they not see this potentially happening? The man went nuts and killed his family.

What follows is your typical horror flick type scenario as the silent killer goes after Stevens and his family, anybody nearby, and finally the doctors who created him. Because of the fact he has enhanced cellular strength and regeneration, this makes him virtually unstoppable, creating many predictable sequences that we've all seen before (although, maybe not as much back in 82).

But there are so many weird choices in this movie, and so many questions. Firstly, much of the movie feels like your standard goofy buddy cop flick. Stevens has a rather tubby partner who looks and acts like a character from a Burt Reynolds Southern-set comedy movie. Then there's the bar fight with a bunch of biker thugs (best bit of action in the movie), which again feels like a completely different movie. It feels like the director and writers couldn't decide what to do.

The entire gist of this movie just feels so wrong. Having Chuck Norris essentially running around trying to tackle this Mike Myers-type guy just felt so incredibly badly thought out. People don't go see a Chuck Norris movie for horror, they see him for martial arts. Yes there is some martial arts in here, such as the bar fight, but that's pretty much it. The big finale sees Norris square off against the killer, which was decent but kinda ridiculous. The guy was invulnerable, if bullets and being injected with acid doesn't work, a few high kicks isn't gonna stop him. The ending doesn't even resolve the issue, leaving things open for a sequel! We could have actually had a Chuck Norris vs. Michael Myers franchise.

4/10