Hail Mary (2026)

 

Right, so I have heard A LOT about this movie, a lot of positive things. I have seen, heard, and read that this movie was a throwback to 80's sci-fi adventure flicks. A throwback to Spielberg classics, Spielbergian if you will. I have some thoughts.

I'm always up for a new sci-fi adventure, no matter what it might be. A gritty, serious Nolan vision, a loose, fun lighthearted romp, or an action-packed thriller. It's all good when it comes to sci-fi. This movie straddles the line between somewhat serious sci-fi and lighthearted adventure, but it seems to struggle in deciding which way it wants to go. I haven't read the original book, it is the same?

The plot is a curious one for sure. Inventive? Yes, slightly confusing? Definitely. The first half hour of the movie is literally spent with flashbacks showing us how the main character Grace came to be stuck on an interstellar spacecraft flying towards the star Tau Ceti. After much padding, time wasting, and a tonne of exposition, we slowly find out that our Sun is slowly being drained of all its energy by light-consuming alien microbes called 'Astrophage'? Am I getting this right? These alien microbes are also doing the same to virtually all stars within our stellar neighbourhood (in the Milky Way), except Tau Ceti. So NASA sends three astronauts, including teacher Ryland Grace (Ryan Gosling), on an essential suicide mission (only enough fuel for a one-way trip) to Tau Ceti to find out why and send their hopeful solution back to Earth.

And hereby lies the first problem with this movie, the plot and pacing. The story is definitely inventive, but it takes an absolute age for this plot to get dragged out of the characters. The movie is incredibly slow with so much exposition going on at a snail's pace. Various characters with so much technical space jargon dialogue about the mysterious Astrophage, what it is, how they can utilise it, how they can contain it (with large-scale school science project type experiments) yadda yadda yadda. This goes for what feels like half the movie, whilst we SLOWLY find out how Grace got on board the ship (blatantly obvious I might add).

Eventually we get into the space portion of the movie where things definitely pick up pace-wise. All of a sudden, we've entered an obvious Stanley Kubrick universe with lots of impressive internal and external shots of the ship, control panels and units, movement onboard the ship etc...One thing is for sure, this movie looks damn good. But again, the movie is extremely slow in getting the story across to us, the audience. Directors Lord and Miller seem to want a slow, grand, operatic feel, but with silly hijinks?

So, putting aside all the forced humour which is really REALLY grating throughout this movie (Gosling is trying WAY too hard to be cute here), eventually we get to the obvious Spielbergian portion of the movie where Grace finally encounters an actual alien. Now you'd think this would be an epic, groundbreaking, terrifying moment in Human history...meh, Grace takes it in his stride, no biggie. It's now that we get even more forced humour and visual gags. 

The alien in question is a cutesy little rock spider type thing with no obvious facial features. Two of the creature's limbs do seem to have three finger-type appendages, which enable it to do things, but I have to wonder how this tiny space rock spider species was able to build such a vast interstellar spaceship (don't question it). Anyway, from here on, the movie feels like they borrowed a lot from the Disney classic 'Flight of the Navigator'. Grace and Rocky the alien (cos it looks like a rock, ugh!) make friends, learn to communicate (this is literally like the aforementioned Disney classic), learn about each other, and work together to find a solution to this star-eating bug issue (it's affecting Rocky's planet too).

The movie's beats are pretty predictable (at least to someone of age) from here on. The unlikely duo manage to learn more about the Astrophage via trial and error experimentation using both of their home environments as a way to counter the alien microbe (I think). Eventually, they discover a natural predator microbe within the Astrophage that can eat the rest. This leads to your standard thrilling, 'will they, won't they succeed', sequence of danger as they try to retrieve this natural predator microbe from the atmosphere of one of Tau Ceti's planets. The cutesy alien must put itself at risk to save Grace, will Rocky survive? (what do you think?).

The movie drags on to its somewhat predictable conclusion after two and a half hours! Oy! Is it a happy ending? Well yes, of course it is, and this obvious fact kinda takes away from all the potential thrills and suspense (for me at least). At no point did I ever think the two main characters were at risk. 

Yes this movie looks the business, as I fully expected. Yes the plot is inventive and original. Yes the alien species is somewhat original, and yes there is a lot of genuine grounded science fiction here for all the people that like that kinda thing. But oh boy is this movie a slog to get through. This movie is boring, it's slow, and it takes AGES to get going. The characters are annoying and cliched, all trying too hard to be funny and slick. Gosling is a likeable guy in this, but his goofy antics are over the top. The movie swings from being sensible science to Disney-esque fluff. The soundtrack is wildly offbeat at times (we have 'Guardians of the Galaxy' to thank for this trend), and there is a tonne of time-wasting and padding, which equals the ridiculous run time. Grandiose in scope, but ultimately undecided in tone.

6/10

Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F (2024)

 

''Look Mr. Foley, I appreciate you've been doing this a long time. But the world has changed a bit'' 

No truer words have been spoken, and this single line of dialogue pretty much sums up my entire thought process for this wholly unnecessary sequel. Indeed the world has changed a bit, and some might dare to say, not for the best. The original movie virtually came out in a different universe from today. Can a movie like 'Beverly Hills Cop' survive in our present politically correct era? 

Plot-wise, things aren't really that good. Essentially what we have here is a very bog standard storyline of Axel Foley teaming up with his adult daughter (Taylour Paige) to take down the bad guys. How many times have we seen that or heard about potential plots doing that? Foley's daughter is a defence attorney representing a man who has been accused of killing a cop. Thing is, she thinks he was framed and is coming under threat from the cartel. Meanwhile, Billy Rosewood (Judge Reinhold) has found evidence to back this up, but gets kidnapped by the cartel. All this obviously brings Foley back to Beverly Hills/LA to meet up with his estranged daughter (cos you gotta have family discord to up the stakes), and her ex-boyfriend (also a cop), to try and work together.

Yeah so this all sounds very much like another 'Lethal Weapon' sequel really, muh family. I really hated the angle that Foley is now partnering up with his daughter, I mean Jesus! How stale, and of course, this includes her boyfriend for all that juicy family back and forth; so predictable. As said, Foley hasn't been a good dad to his daughter Jane, so we have to go through all the inevitable fighting and emotion until we reach the even more inevitable family reconciliation at the end, ugh! 

Naturally the old cast are wheeled out for this (John Ashton and Paul Reiser, yet no Ronny Cox), and oh boy do they look old. Look, don't get me wrong, it's nice to see the old cast back, but they're all too old, just like Murphy, it's embarrassing. They even drag Bronson Pinchot back as Serge for Pete's sake. And this is the key issue here, well one of many: Eddie Murphy is too old, too chubby, and not as sharp-tongued as he used to be. There, I said it. Hell, Foley still wears the same outfit he's been wearing since the original! Come on now. But don't get me wrong, the action sequences are actually pretty good here. The main reason being, they haven't used CGI, but actually used live-action stunts and real vehicles in real locations. It's quite clear that entire precincts/blocks had been closed off for many sequences...and did they actually use a real helicopter downtown?!

So visually, the action is very good, very impressive looking. The problem is, like Murphy, it actually feels a bit slow and, believe it or not, almost too slick for its own good. The original movie, like many 80's action flicks, had a gritty vibe about them. They looked dirty, the filming felt more off the cuff, gorilla style, and vehicles looked more masculine, realistic and beat-up. These days, all these modern cars look too shiny and modern; they look plastic and like they don't have any real weight behind them. This leads me to probably the only single funny line in the entire movie. Foley gets arrested and stuck in a cop car, but as he does, he complains that the car doesn't look like a real cop car and more like a Fisher-Price toy (LOL!). Obviously, a callback to him complimenting the interior of a cop car in the original movie.

This movie really does feel a bit cookie-cutter truth be told. The plot plods along step by predictable step, from one location to another, as the trio slowly begin to unravel the dastardly crime cartel that we all knew was led by Kevin Bacon right from the moment he walked on screen. I mean, come on guys! Really?! This movie is just so obvious, ugh!! Yes, Kevin Bacon (looking and acting suspiciously like Gavin Newsom) is a police Captain but also the main villain. Who would have thought it? There's also an aging women in a car with a small dog that looked and acted suspiciously like Nancy Pelosi.

Despite this movie actually looking the business, having the classic soundtrack and beats to coolly play over the developing drama, it's all too sterile and ultimately formulaic. You can tell they had run out of ideas for this simply going by the movie's title! And that old cliché of having a popular character team up with a son or daughter for a sequel is just bottom-of-the-barrel stuff. Yes this is way better than the watered-down 'Beverly Hills Cop III', there is that. But this can't come close to the original or even the sequel (which are both full-on adult action flicks, no apologies). All this really offers is much better looking action sequences due to improvements in tech and stunts over the decades. The rest is essentially a set-piece highlights reel of the first two movies.

5/10

Vampires: The Turning (2004)

 

Think you've seen everything when it comes to vampire movies? Well, how about Thai biker gang vampires interwoven with mystical Thai culture? Eh? How bout dem apples??

So, this movie is a bit of a plot cocktail really. A young American couple are on vacation in Thailand. Connor (Colin Egglesfield) is a kickboxer wanting to get some Thai tips, whilst his girlfriend Amanda (Meridith Monroe) is looking for romance. Amanda ends up getting kidnapped and used as a blood source by a gang of local biker vampires, whilst Connor must try and work out what the heck has happened to her. This leads Connor to discover another group of ancient vampires that are essentially good in nature and don't, or try not to, drink Human blood. Naturally, they are in a centuries-old battle with the evil biker gang of vampires, and it turns out, there is one way to kill all the vampires (in Thailand, I think), save Amanda, and Humanity (at least in Thailand, think).

So what you have here is a mixture of 'Big Trouble in Little China' style Far-East Thai mysticism, some gritty 'Bloodsport' style kickboxing, and some reasonably dark, gruesome modern-day gang action. The movie is shot in Thailand so the overall production values are solid, and everything does look authentic. They shoot in and around real street markets and historic buildings, so there is a sense of authentic, sweaty Thai culture in the air. The only thing with this being, it does tend to feel more like a commercial for Thai holidays.

As for the martial arts and action, yeah its actually pretty good, incredibly. The action is as you would expect, a bit low-budget and hammy, but it works for this type of flick. If you think along the lines of the 'From Dusk Till Dawn' franchise, you'll totally get my drift. There is plenty of blood and gore, it's hammy, but kinda cool. In that category of looking kinda naff but still good fun. But when looking at the martial arts, this is surprisingly where the movie shines a bit. The fight sequences are actually darn good! Egglesfield looks like he can handle himself pretty well, despite my not being able to find out anything regarding any martial arts background.

All the other Asian cast members (unknown to me) also hold their own well and make every punch and kick feel like they're connecting. Heck! Even various flips through the air (as vampires do) actually looked pretty good, to the point that this movie easily looked more authentic than the original 'Mortal Kombat' movies with their bigger budgets. The big finale with all these mystical vampires of the wild East fighting with samurai swords and whatnot, was handled well and not as hokey as you might think.

There is a lot of padding in this movie. A very long bike chase, a long dream/hallucination sequence, lots of Connor wandering around confused etc...Can't deny that. Obviously the acting isn't the best, but it does the job. All the cast come across well and not too cheesy or out of place. Everyone looks good with their ice blue coloured contact lenses. The plot does get a tad confusing at times, a bit too carried away. I'm not sure why this one female vampire can change all vampires back to mortals just by killing herself at the end of a solar eclipse. And yes, the slayers from the original movies are back here, doing what they do in exactly the same way (harpooning vampires, which always seemed like an odd method to me). Not so sure who's paying so much money for slain vampire heads though, I don't recall much from the original flicks.

No this third entry is not connected in any way to the previous two movies, apart from the slayers and their methods. But, I do think this movie is way better than it has any right to be and might actually be better than the previous two in certain aspects (I never thought that much of those movies anyway). A solid vampire flick with some decent martial arts, decent minor league casting, and gory special effects. What more could you ask for?

6/10

Bubblegum Crisis (1987 - 1991)

Now I'm no anime connoisseur, but I have seen quite a few movies now (mostly bigger, well-known titles), and I have definitely come to appreciate them a whole lot more as a fully grown sensible adult (ahem). Back in the day, for me, these movies were more of a foreign oddity that I didn't really get on board with, although I did fully appreciate the animation, having grown up with some classic cartoons in that gorgeous anime style.

So enough dithering, what the heck is this all about? And what's with the typically quirky title? Well, as for the title, it refers to actual bubblegum and its elasticity. The way bubblegum can stretch and stretch, or expand, until it eventually breaks and/or pops. This is a metaphor for the breaking point of a society in crisis, hence the name. Odd metaphor if you ask me, I mean I get it but... it's still kinda random.

As for the actual feature here, this isn't a movie (I wasn't aware of this), this is actually a short series made up of eight episodes, each with its own short story. The overall arc of this series is a single continuous story, or continuity, but each episode stands alone. So there is a central plot through-line, but at the same time, each episode is its own little story. There is a chronological timeline here, with enemy-of-the-week plots. Personally, I like that, I do like 'monster-of-the-week' type series as I think it's easier to digest overall, you don't get lost, and each episode is an easier watch on its own. I hate having to do homework for a TV series or having to try and recall what has gone before.

This series doesn't really offer anything in terms of originality in our present day. The story is set in a neon-soaked futuristic Tokyo 2032 where a group of female mercs (Knight Sabers, cheesy I know) don mech-type armour suits, or a kind of superhero-esque exoskeleton, and fight crime alongside the A.D. (Advanced) Police. The crime in question mostly comes from a manufactured group of biomechanical androids that constantly go rogue. These androids (called Boomers for some reason) are made by a mega company called Genom, which manufactures them for heavy labour around the dystopian city of Mega Tokyo. But, as mentioned, these androids often go wrong, or glitch, and are often taken advantage of by criminals. Being biomechanical androids, they also tend to evolve and break their programming.

It did make me think why these androids are used so much in this world when they keep going wrong so much. They are developed to replace Human hard labour, but it seems they often go haywire, and it often leads to much destruction and death! Plus, criminals often get hold of them and use them for their own nefarious purposes. You'd think the powers that be would put a stop to it, but I guess the power and influence of Genom outweigh everything else. 

So, the plot isn't very original these days, and to be honest, it wasn't back in 1987 either. It is no surprise that this series was heavily influenced by Ridley Scott's 'Blade Runner' for the most part, but also James Cameron's 'Terminator', 'Robocop', and the 1984 movie 'Streets of Fire'. You can absolutely see all this influence throughout this series from the multitude of details within Mega Tokyo, the Boomers (replicants), the way characters interact with each other etc...I should also point out the sound bites taken from (I think) Cameron's 'Aliens' here and there.

It's all very familiar, but a first for animation at the time. At the same time, you can easily see how this manga series influenced many franchises going forward, especially the mech suits. The entire notion of a team of quirky females in super-powered suits was also a bit of a groundbreaker back in the day. Whilst the background characters tend to be more typically masculine and stereotypical of the action flick genre, the female leads were quite a progressive angle that manga often embraced long before Hollywood. Although, it must be said, the women are a very standard, predictable roster. The super-rich benefactor. The rebellious singer and biker. The super-athletic aerobics instructor, and lastly, the obligatory tech expert.

As expected, the episodes do vary in quality, naturally. The plots revolve around kidnappings, rescues, assassinations, crime bosses, deception, and espionage. All typical stories you could probably have guessed would be here. Whilst all episodes are adult-oriented, some do have a more Saturday morning cartoon vibe about them. For example, one episode sees a vengeful loner mod his muscle car (or augment it with thought-controlled cybernetic hardware) to battle biker gangs, but said car eventually develops sentience. Another sees the Knight Sabers having to deal with a group of impersonators that are causing chaos, whilst another sees a vengeful (common theme) popstar arriving in Mega Tokyo, causing yet more chaos. The first three episodes are more of a trilogy that establishes this dark world and its various characters. The final episode takes a much lighter tone (especially in colour and visuals) for the most part, but then ascends with an almost 'Die Hard' type finale.

Overall, the episodes do swing wildly from being intriguing to somewhat boring, truth be told. The high-octane action interspersed throughout is what keeps them alive for the most part. With each episode being a stand-alone story, it gave the animators freedom to do their own thing. This led to some amazing sequences of mech action mostly, but add to that, lots of over-the-top gun porn, cockpit and armour sequences (think 'Iron Man' and things like 'Pacific Rim'), haunting cityscapes, and fantastic visual moments of pure speed and velocity. All this accompanied by a toe -tapping synth-rock pop soundtrack that, while good, isn't quite as good as the genuine tracks of the 80's. 'Top Gun' this is not.

This short series has me in flux. Whilst the visuals and action are second to none, for animation of its era, the plots can be flimsy and leave you guessing quite often. Admittedly much of this is due to the series being cut short (8 episodes instead of 13). Whilst some episodes had me engaged, others had me reaching for my phone. The characters are stereotypes across the board and on both sides, good and bad. Overall, the series really does borrow HEAVILY from that Ridley Scott film (Priss' band called 'The Replicants' and the fact she's called Pris). I did find this a bit distracting at times honesty, too much homaging going on.

So in short (ahem), incredibly influential, but also incredibly influenced. Back in the day, I can see how this was regarded as top-tier sci-fi and animation. Now in 2026, it's still top-tier sci-fi and animation, and it holds up! But I can also see the vast scope of other franchises that they borrowed from, and it's a tad dull for the most part, when there aren't any super-powered Iron Man suits blasting terminator-esque Boomers that is.

6/10