Firestorm (1998)

So ex-NFL player Howie Long got his big action man break in the Travolta thriller 'Broken Arrow' in 1996, this inevitably lead to his own specially made silly action vehicle. Although there are a few well known faces here simply to bolster the acting skills on show, its basically the Howie Long show yet he shows off no muscles throughout.

So four years ago the main villain stole four million Dollars and hid it deep within the forest. He now decides to break out of jail with some colleges during a big forest fire which one of his compadres on the outside started. Naturally a female is taken hostage and its up to the lone 'smokejumper' to save the day with his mighty axe.

The term 'smokejumper' is actually what they call these guys that are trained to jump from helicopters into fires to save people, its not me being sarcastic. But this is what's so funny about this film, right from the get go we are shown the banal camaraderie and makeup of the small team. These smokejumpers led by Long are your typical team of Hollywood characters, the attractive female, the mouthy young male, the wiser vet and Long who is the big butch guy. Only thing missing is the token black guy.

Luckily we don't have to put up with this A-Team type cliched machoism as the action centres on Long surviving in the wilderness against the bad guys. The bad guys are easily the more interesting bunch with William Forsythe as their homicidal leader. Gotta give credit to Forsythe as he always makes such a riveting nasty villain, his fierce chubby looks are just perfect the way he snarls and grimaces when he gets mad, and in this he just about kills anyone. Check the early performance for Barry Pepper as one of the bad guys.

The whole idea for this film is so thin really, its just an everyday action movie but its set within a huge forest fire. It just comes across as trying to make another field of US rescue workers out to be cool equipment wearing top guns. Of course Long uses all his trained boyscout methods to beat the bad guys whilst curiously never actually getting into any good fights, well not many.

I was gonna compare this to 'Backdraft' but its not really like that, that had some sense about it whilst this is complete violent nonsense. Despite that there are numerous visual moments which look pretty similar and its worth noting that Scott Glenn plays almost the same type of role in this as he does in 'Backdraft'.

The whole thing is predictable as hell and can't even come up with any decent visuals to help you along. Long is a weak leading man even though he has the look of one and things that happen along the way just raise questions, but its hardly a thinker, just dumb.

4/10

Broken Arrow (1996)

One of the first US films for John Woo before he went on to make a whole load more using the same visual style everytime. The other noteable thing here is the curious combination of Travolta and Slater pairing off against each other.

Two best buds in the USAF are flying a B-3 Stealth Bomber with a deadly payload of nukes on board. Spoiler alert! Travolta goes rogue and turns on Slater dumping the nukes for his band of bad guys to pickup. Their plan? to sell the nukes to the highest bidder of course, dastardly!.

I remember when this came out it was deemed to be quite a slick action flick, hell I even went to the cinema to see it. This is the first time I've watched this since 1996 and I can firmly say it hasn't aged well. Yep its just your average explosion filled action thriller with your standard hero who saves the day and kills everyone with the aid of a feisty female sidekick.

The bad guys are your regular bunch of strapping blokes who mindlessly obey Travolta's insane commands, the main henchman being newbie Howie Long (film career didn't last long). All these guys are trigger happy, often dumb and get killed in very obvious set pieces you can see coming a mile away.

In fact the whole film is much like that really, it just looks like one of those special effects shows at Universal Studios where everything looks like a setup or an obvious set. There isn't really anything original in the whole film, the plot is standard issue, the bad guys are standard issue, all the important military/government official types are the standard issue grizzled old men, slimy cowards or nerds, dialog is hammy with all the regular dribble you'd expect to hear and its got lots of standard issue John Woo slow motion and face off camera angles.

Not even Travolta's semi fun bad guy can bring this film back from the dull zone. This was his first real baddie role after his career took off with 'Pulp Fiction' so his performance was definitely fresh and quite new for the actor. Its just a shame he's done the same thing now for so many other films since. As for Slater, well he doesn't really fit the profile for a leading man action hero, he's clearly not the type, he's not bad per say, he's just clearly not that type of guy simple. Even with Travolta being all camp he still looks like he can kick Slater's ass all over.

A terrific film title, intriguing cast and thumping film poster still can't alter the fact this film is dull dull dull. It doesn't even look that good really, there is one stunt where Long gets booted off a train going over a very high bridge which is pretty impressive, but that's totally it. The drab looking location doesn't really help either, its all yellow dusty desert terrain everywhzzzzzzzz. If anything can be called 'by the numbers' its this film right here, weak stuff.

3/10

Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)

'Die Hard on a bus' and now...yep you guessed it 'Die Hard on a boat', well cruise liner. I guess the first thing that instantly jumps out at you here is the fact the film is called Speed 2 but its on a slow moving cruiser liner! Hardly speed is it, more like err...cruising, I get the feeling they just wanted to use a cruise ship so they could use their highly imaginative tag of 'cruise control'.

Seriously I've read into this and there were some really decent ideas for a follow up. Nothing original of course, they all copied the exact same premise as the original but at least they could offer up some more thrills than a cruise liner. One plot involved a plane that couldn't ascend above 10,000 feet whilst flying through some mountains, kinda daft but sounds better right?

So this basically really absolutely is a complete 'Die Hard' rip off, it really is. Recently fired crazy ass Dafoe wants revenge on the company (ships computer systems) that wrongfully terminated him because he was ill. So he decides to sabotage one of his own computer systems on board a large expensive cruise liner and steer it into a disaster whilst pinching all the valuables on board. Again at the end of the day he's just after some jewellery, weak. Its pretty much 'Die Hard/Under Siege' with more comedy and way way less blood and violence, actually check that, there is hardly any blood and violence in this, its bordering on PG territory.

Bullock's character has dumped Jack Traven from the first much better film and now she's with the receding hair line of Jason Patric. I guess what's so dumb about this film is firstly Patric just doesn't come across as the hero type, oh sure he's leaping around and trying to be action man every five minutes but the guy just looks anything but. I know heroes don't have to be muscle bound macho men with good hair but Patric? really?? this guy is the wrong kind of actor for a role like this. The other thing that bugs you is the fact his character is such a fudging goodie goodie and always trying to save everyone. Even on board this cruise liner which he knows nothing about, doesn't have a clue where to go and basically shouldn't be poking his nose into anything, he still goes around barking orders at the crew! and they obey him!!! as if!!! in reality they'd tell him to flip off.

Bullock is completely sidelined to virtually a cameo really, she does nothing at all other than offer up terrible dialog attempting to be comic relief. She's even more annoying than in the first film and even more wet (situation aside), in fact the badly portrayed passengers are not as annoying as Bullock. Then you have Dafoe as the villain, well I say villain but he isn't really that evil, he merely switches off all the electrics and gets everybody to evacuate. Would stuff on a ship tend to blow up and cause so much destruction when the electrics go down? seems odd.

Funny thing is if everybody had just gotten off as he demanded in the first place, none of the ensuing mess would of occured!...well almost.

I realise Dafoe's baddie character knows the ship inside out and can control whatever he likes but you always get the feeling he's not much of a challenge. Time and again it seems like he could of been caught plus he also comes across as someone Bullock could beat in a fight. His plan also seems very over indulgent simply for stealing some jewels, takes him half the film to get it set up yet takes him fives minutes to do the deed. He then messes around for no real reason when he could of just gotten away no problem, all this kinda makes the action sequences seem unnecessary and forced.

The film is way more goofy than the first and hardly feels like a real action film at all. There is way too much stupid comedy and idiotic dialog...oh and some awful reoccurring character cameos from the first film which almost make the film into a parody. Even Dafoe's baddie isn't immune to the ridiculous daftness, he contributes with various silly faces to exaggerate the heat of the moment.

The film does look pretty good I can't deny, the ship interiors, exteriors and various CGI shots are nicely done. This all comes to a head in the finale where De Bont takes the opportunity to destroy half a port town by ramming the cruise liner into it purely to show off lots of destruction and fancy effects/models. Even that doesn't really work though because of the awful comic relief which ruins any real tension. This is the films fault all the way through, you never at any point feel nervous or tense despite the fact you're watching an action film about a hijacking. The whole thing is totally juvenile and not in the least bit exciting, and no sticking Patric on a cool motorbike chase sequence at the start doesn't make him look any cooler, just more out of place.

2.5/10

Speed (1994)

Well I think 'Under Siege' kick started the term 'Die Hard on a...' back in 1992, then along came this massive action film rollercoaster success in 1994 which coined the highly imaginative term 'Die Hard on a bus'. Holy skidmarks! this film brought back some memories of my teens, I remember this film well and the huge furore it caused, all the girls were banging on about Reeves and all the boys were banging on about Bullock.

The plot is actually quite ingenious really, it sounds insane, how on earth can you set an action film on a bus? we all asked backed in the day. Well obviously there are bits that aren't within the bus of course but the main threat of a bus that can't go below 50mph is a clever plot trick. That's pretty much it really, a bus load of stereotypical everyday commuters are all trapped on a bus which has a bomb underneath. Super cop Keanu Reeves takes on the job of saving the day from the terrorist Dennis Hopper. And at the end of the ride just like Hans Gruber, all the bad guy wants is some money.

Looking back at this its so so damn cheesy I can't believe it, how did we all think this was cool?! The opening credits are some of the worse looking computer effects/text images I've seen, obviously early days back then and boy does it show when 'SPEED' pops up. I mean lets think about this for one moment, how can anyone take an action flick seriously when one of the SWAT guys is played by...Jeff Daniels??!

The main action on the bus which takes up most of the film is undeniably enjoyable still. The whole idea is such a rush and easily translated to film, sure half the time the bus is clearly not going at 50mph (usually much slower) but it still comes across very well. You get every predictable scene you would naturally expect, the film isn't the most original in terms of characters. All the passengers fight amongst themselves, one is a gang member with a gun who of course shoots the bus driver which mean Bullock must drive. One lady is always panicky and slightly hysterical, one guy is mouthy, one guy delivers some comedic lines every now and then, there's a token black couple, a token Latino guy and Reeves of course totally stony faced and stoic at all times.

For the most part the film is quite realistic, but there are some moments which they could of left out. The bus jumping a big gap in an unfinished highway springs to mind which is easily the worse idea ever. The way they let the bomb loaded bus careen into an oncoming airliner once everybody is safely off, surely they should of tried to veer it somewhere so it wouldn't cause massive damage? Of course we all know the reason is merely to show off a nice big explosion at the end, despite the fact in the films plot it may have caused more deaths. What about the guy pulling the plane in his little tug truck??...who cares its a cool explosion!

While we all know that Reeves is the invincible turbo charged heroic cop who never gets tired or injured, he is acceptable for what he is. Bullock on the other hand is not, at no time did I ever accept the fact she could be driving this bus, there's just no way. Bullock is an annoying wet drip of a woman and shows it completely in this film, she flaps, squeals and rarely looks in control. They wouldn't have lasted five minutes in reality with her driving.

On the other hand Hopper is clearly having a blast as this pissed off ex-cop out for revenge. He's dodging around scowling and howling like no ones business, he goes for broke and totally delivers a perfect hammy over the top bad guy. This film really is amusing at times though, like in the finale when Reeves and Hopper are fighting. This young, tough, adrenaline filled ultra cop getting his ass beaten by clearly a late middle aged man who is half his size and can barely run.

The film does tend to lose its edge once the main event of the bomb rigged bus has been solved. The set pieces get more and more ridiculous until we reach the rather overly ridiculous finale with the underground train, which is clearly a model. The film in parts is plain stupid, comic relief from various characters along the way is reasonable I suppose but it all adds to the cheese n ham factor, kinda takes the edge off at times. But overall the film doesn't try to be anything other than a speeding bullet of an action flick that you don't really have to look too deep into. And not often does an action films title sum up the general content so perfectly. Still nowhere near on par with the classic 'Die Hard' but a decent rare original action film.

6/10

TMNT (2007)

The first fully CGI animated movie for the Turtles after three live action films. I think officially this is suppose to be set after the original film but could easily be a stand alone chapter in the Turtles universe. This whole production is completely different from the previous films, obviously a whole new approach but voice work is all new too, no one from the older films makes a return here.

In all honesty this movie is somewhat lacking and merely comes across as a Saturday cartoon series that has been stuck together. It never really feels like a proper movie and the lame plot doesn't really help. Its all to do with trying to conquer the world with monsters from another dimension by a group of elite warriors from 3000 years prior that had been turned to stone. Their immortal leader wants to stop them and break the curse that makes him and his warriors immortal. On and along the way the Foot Clan join forces with the Turtles.

It all kicks off well enough, the initial sequence of all four Turtles bounding across the rooftops at night  is excellent and really gets you in the mood for some Turtle goodness. That is the kind of visual sequence which wets your appetite for this classic franchise and they captured it perfectly but briefly. The Turtles look agile, firm and well rounded (a good weight to them), they do also have a slight darkness to them, they haven't been totally watered down. Myself I would have preferred them to be much meaner looking but we all knew that wasn't gonna happen.

The only thing I noticed was the shape of the Turtles heads seemed a bit squashed. This made their upper lip/snout stick out a bit too far if you ask me, gave their heads a motorcycle helmet type shape. The other thing I didn't like was the guy voicing Leo, hated that voice, just sounds like some pretty boy pop idol voice, there's nothing quirky about it, no character.

Another problem I have is the fact the Turtles look good but everybody else doesn't. All the human characters just look like cartoons, the old Saturday morning cartoon issue again. Splinter looks reasonable but maybe too weak looking? none of the other characters really seem to have the right weight to them like the four main stars, this shatters the grown up approach to the film, any sense of graphic novel realism.

The same can be said for the CGI in general, backgrounds, cityscape's, vehicles, buildings etc...one minute the movie looks quite dark and brooding, touching on that graphic novel style we all wanna see. The next minute it looks like a damn cartoon! its as though the animators have been reined in, stopped from getting too carried away with creating an adult Turtles film which they know we all really wanna see lets be honest.

Add to that the plot feels more like something that would suit Hellboy rather than the Turtles. The flashback sequence explaining the ancient warriors is a great little moment but it just doesn't fit this franchise if you ask me. The monsters also look like creations from a Hellboy movie, nice designs I might add. This is the problem for the Turtles franchise, you can't have them constantly fighting Shredder yet they don't really have anyone else to battle who is popular or well known.

The best part of the film is easily the sequence where Leo fights Raph on the rooftops in the rain. This one sequence shows exactly what can be achieved and what everybody wanted to see, more grit. Not only did this sequence look awesome but it gave us a hint of proper characterization, something to get your teeth into, had it been aimed toward adults it would have been even better. There comes a time when you know the Turtles need to swear...and it would be bitchin.

Looking back at this its disappointing, its not like I didn't expect it to be for kids, saw it coming a mile away, but its still such a shame. This movie clearly shows us glimpses of how cool a dark adult animated Turtles flick could be, the evidence is there to be seen, if only they could be true to a franchise.

5/10

Epic (2013)

From the Studio that gave us the 'Ice Age' franchise comes this bug sized eco friendly kids flick. Based on yet another children's story book and with the strong hint of more to come in a franchise builder...oh geez!

The plot is pretty unoriginal really and we've similar stories in other films. A young girl is shrunken down to the size of a bug and is accidentally throw into a bug sized war between human-like warriors and orc-like creatures. All of this takes place within a regular forest in the regular world near the young girls house. So basically its a bug war kicking off in your back garden right under your nose.

Not quite sure why the film is called 'Epic' when the book isn't but there you go, I guess because of the scale of the war going on? Anywho I'm gonna come right out say I really liked this film, I dug it, its totally cliched and completely formulaic but it works well. Pretty much all the characters are likeable and well rounded, again most of them we've seen before in other animated films, nothing too special about talking snails, slugs, flies etc...its been done, but it looks good and is nicely amusing at times.

This is the main focal point of the film, the visuals. Like many animated films these days it looks tremendous I kid you not, both worlds we see, human and bug, are awesome in spectacle. When we are introduced to the bug sized world its one of those moments when you say to yourself 'I could live there, I want to live there, it looks fun'. Everything looks so lush and green, so vibrant and colourful, its really gorgeous and such an eye opener. On the flip side the baddie bug sized world is also awesome in its murky, rotten, dark, fungi, dead tree filled way, not exactly ground breaking stuff though.

These visuals also extend to the characters, the good guys are a green armour clad humanoid warrior race called Leaf Men. Now this guys look so flipping cool, their armour is a lovely leaf plated design with intricate pattern etched into the plates, they carry swords, wear gladiator style helmets and ride on the back of green/blue hummingbirds, their steeds of choice. They basically look like eco warrior samurai and their leader voiced nicely by Colin Farrell is called 'Ronin', which of course you all know is another word for samurai (without a master). The Irish samurai.

There are also you're standard sidekick type creatures as with any animated kids flick. Here they are nothing original in the form of a snail and a slug but I gotta give kudos to the voice actors because these two guys are very amusing, and kinda adorable looking. They have an awesome amount of detail on them though, really look good.

The bad guys are kinda like orcs I guess although their heads look a bit like a sharks head, they are called Boggans. They are you're typical baddies, they don't talk they just grunt n roar, they are drab coloured and all look the same. But there are various types of bad guys, basically any creature or bug that you would deem scary or has a bad reputation is classed as a bad guy. Bullfrogs, mosquitoes, spiders, crows, bats etc...all baddies. On the flip side you have various creatures that are classed as goodies like snails, slugs, glowworms, hummingbirds etc...There are also various plant/flower creatures in the form of Daisy's, Thistles, Dandelions etc...most of these makeup background characters.

One thing, all the characters in this are errr...white people, accept for the Queen, who is black, why? Just seemed rather odd to me to have just one character stand out from the rest like that. Unfortunately the Queen is voiced badly by Beyoncé Knowles which doesn't help either, just doesn't sound right or match her character at all.

In all honesty the film is all about the visuals as the plot is highly generic. You know what's gonna happen as we've seen this type of thing a gazillion times over. The main female character is cute looking and does everything as you would expect, although she takes to this new world pretty quickly, I'm sure most would be freaked out for ages. Much like the main villain who also does everything you would expect and gets his comeuppance predictably. Its all very light vs dark, all the goodies are colourful and bright, all the baddies are dark, gloomy and shadowy.

So yeah its all very obvious but its still a fun time with some stunning visuals. The finale is quite epic in scale and does lock you in for sure, does seem to be copying Star Wars a wee bit but hey its cool. The film does slyly use other film influences throughout no doubt. Steve Tyler's glowworm character does seem to have been plucked from Alice in Wonderland if you ask me, Tyler's vocals also sound like they have been plucked from said Disney film spookily, good voice work actually, surprising.

I think you can tell from what I've written here this is a character based flick, there are many other fun characters in here also. Fun characters, well crafted details and overall delicious visuals, shame about the by the numbers story line...but still fun!

7/10

The Wolverine (US/AUS 2013)

So here we have the brand new sixth installment in this rather overdrawn franchise. A sequel to the third in the original trilogy, not really anything to do with the Wolverine origins film, obviously nothing to do with 'First Class' but a prequel of sorts for the upcoming new film 'Days of Future Past'. 'Days of Future Past' of course being a sequel to 'First Class' and 'Last Stand' which is the third in the original trilogy...Jesus Christ!!!

So yeah, try and keep that in your head whilst watching these films. So old muttonchops is off to Japan to meet the guy he saved back in WWII. Of course this guy is up to no good with his evil blonde lady scientist sidekick and gives Wolverine an offer he can't refuse...but he does and that upsets the old guys plans. Before he knows it Wolverine is defending himself from Yakuza whilst trying to keep his new love interest (his old Japanese war buddies granddaughter) safe whilst trying to solve the puzzle of why these guys want her and what the evil lady scientist did to him...basically.

Amazingly this film is completely grounded and quite realistic, invincibility thing aside. Right up until the main finale the film plays out like a semi serious light thriller in the land of the rising sun that is unbelievably quite sensible, intelligent yet kinda action free!. What action we do get is quite sparse but highly intense when it hits, admittedly some of it does go over the top but I gotta keep reminding myself I'm watching a Marvel flick.

Naturally the first really big action sequence is on board the Shinkansen (as you all know that is the Bullet train). Now this sequence at first kinda made me laugh somewhat but I did kinda enjoy it, again...remember, its a flick about Wolverine. Felt a bit Mission: Impossible-ish, a bit too silly and I do still wonder how he managed to get back inside the train from the roof at well over 200mph but hey...he's Wolverine.

Apart from that there isn't much to shout about until the end and a lovely dark moonlit sword fight with Shingen the son of main bad guy Yashida (wanted more of that with the Silver Samurai), beyond that point things get typically comic book. But for much of the film there is a lot of gritty emotion with Wolverine in angst over Jean Grey, his growing affection for Mariko and all the time thinking about Yashida's offer of a normal mortal life.

Jackman IS Wolverine, we know this, the guy just embodies the character so well plus he looks like him too, kinda helps. Most of the Japanese characters are sort of cliched and bland, nothing special really but they are all played well. The bad femme fatale in Viper kinda felt like a badass Poison Ivy to me and not much more, just more vicious. Sure she's hot and dresses in ridiculously sexy attire for no reason at all but she just felt generic, I did prefer her bald though, yeah I'm kinky.

There are some gripes with the film I must add, you knew it was coming. Firstly Viper is thrown from a huge height, striking metal on the way and survives, yet gets killed by being strangled?? seems odd to me. They steal an entire idea from Bond classic 'Diamonds are Forever' when the bad guys throw Plenty O'Toole out the window into a pool below and say 'I didn't know there was a pool down there' which Wolverine says. Not really a problem but come on guys, think of you're own stuff. Wolverine cutting himself open and doing DIY heart surgery?? hmmm not sure about that. And finally most of humour is fine but at the beginning when they force Logan to have a wash, shave and haircut, yet he comes out with that totally scruffy yet iconic muttonchop look. He looked more acceptable with the beard, and what is with the chops? is this the 70's? the sequence just didn't make much sense to me and felt forced, desperately grasping for laughs.

The biggest drawback for me and something that spoilt the film was of course the Silver Samurai. Now I was expecting a traditional samurai warrior suit on a bloke (Harada) with super powered katana's. What we get is a huge robotic Iron Man type mech suit that looks like something out of G.I.Joe or Mortal Kombat, it was just some generic big robot thing rendered in CGI, lame!!!!! Why couldn't he have been a normal bloke in a samurai suit doing kickass martial arts, generic still yes, but no CGI. On top of that I was kinda expecting to see this regular Silver Samurai throughout the film fighting with 'Wolverine' in mach 3 kickassery. But all we get is a finale sequence that kinda brings the film down.

So yeah the film on the whole is actually a pretty moody and reasonably dark adventure, offering a haunted and distressed Wolverine who lurches around feeling sorry for himself a lot. Seems to be a self contained story (yet you never know) and it does work pretty well, it all feels tight and intense with some nice stylish visuals helped by the Eastern setting. I can't deny my love of Japan and their culture has made me enjoy this film more than I would have, had it been set elsewhere. I mean in all honesty its very formulaic in various places, same slice n dice action and offers nothing new really, how many times can Jackman turn and stare into the camera intensely with glaring eyes before it becomes rather stupid.

Its still hokey at times, I didn't like their Silver Samurai approach, he's not even in the film that much and I can't lie the ending ruins the semi serious angle. But its definitely the best Wolverine outing so far (although not much competition) mainly because of its Japan setting, some good Eastern performances (they always come across so intense over there) and great location visuals.

6.5/10