Silent Trigger (1996)

Judging by this films poster you'd half expect this to be some kind of future set science fiction action fest. Dolph is looking very serious holding a massive hand cannon with a string of massive bullets attached to the side...it couldn't be more badass if you tried! In the background stands the skyscraper where the action is set, again to me this looks highly futuristic and reminds me of the main OCP headquarters building in 'Robocop'. Like most older action flicks the poster is somewhat misleading although not totally.

The story does indeed unravel within this huge oddly shaped skyscraper yet its filled with flashbacks to an earlier time. Dolph plays a sniper hitman who is hired by a mysterious agency to assassinate a specific target. His spotter is a sexy female (of course) who just happens to be the same spotter that accompanied him on a previous mission many years before. Together the duo must overcome bad memories and work together to finish the job, unfortunately they also have to content with an unruly drug addicted security guard who gets in the way...kinda.

This really is an odd movie, first off the director (Mulcahy of 'Highlander' fame) has clearly tried to mould this into some kind of hi-tech noir thriller. The visuals and lighting within the skyscraper sets are soaked in darkness and very moody, the colour palette mainly consists of dark blue, metallic greys/gunmetal and hints of yellow. This is enforced with the seriously tech-noir style of the interior sets which look really very nice but don't fit this movie premise. In fact the sets looks way too good for such a schlocky action B-movie.
The exterior of the skyscraper is very slick and as I've already said very futuristic looking. I did like the strange building design, its very eerie and foreboding with that huge single oval window, especially when set against the night sky. I'm guessing this was a model bluescreened against a real American city skyline, truthfully it does look very well composited and quite realistic. The various skeletal structural sets of the building (both interior and exterior) again I'm guessing were a combination of real worksites and fabricated ones, all in all I was very impressed...didn't expect such glossy sets in this movie.

So on one hand you have this very sexy, shiny almost Orwellian cyberpunk looking building that looms over everything where the main duo are holed up waiting for their kill. On the other hand we get flashbacks to their previous mission which appears to be set in some rustic old eastern European town (as always). These flashbacks are a very different style to the films present day, they have a gritty apocalyptic vibe to them that kinda borders on WW1 in places. We are shown how the mission goes wrong and why Dolph doesn't take the shot which of course cues the arrival of faceless bad guys to terminate them.

This failed mission does make me wonder why Dolph is still hired by whoever to carry out his present mission. Why does he not still have bounty on his head? or does he? We don't find out who the mysterious agency is that hire him for his current mission and we don't find out who the mysterious agency was that hired him for the failed mission. So we are left in the dark really. Its also kinda mega convenient that the same sexy female spotter is his partner again, makes you wonder that they are both being set up for their previous failure. Well I did until Dolph once again fails to take the shot so a backup team do it for him, so it appears that Dolph puts himself and his spotter back in the shit again. I'm genuinely still not sure if Dolph and co were set up for their previous error or he just froze again and they were attacked for not carrying out their kill, the story isn't that clear.

The other odd thing about this movie is the sub-plot involving the deranged security guard based in the skyscraper. This guy starts off perfectly normal but seems to descend into madness after meeting the sexy female spotter when she arrives (posing as some kind of IT technician). There is literately no reason why this dude goes nuts...he just does, the plot required him to do so for thrilling reasons. Just to make sure this character is made out to be a druggie as we see him sniffing it...but that's well after he initially goes all weird. He initially tries to rape the female spotter, fails and goes crazy because...reasons. I still don't get why he actually tries to rape her, does working the night shift in security do this to you? So next to this dark emotional assassination plot there is this oddball sub-plot about a lunatic security guard that Dolph ends up having big fisticuffs with...it literately feels like they just crowbarred it in for a solid fight sequence.

The other bizarre thing is showing us Dolph placing small explosive devices in strategic places in the building, mainly the lift. Why would he do that?? he has no reason to think anything will happen in the building, especially the lift. It really does seem to be a very lazy easy way for the main bad guy (plot twist) to get killed off. He just happens to use the lift that Dolph has booby trapped, did Dolph know a top level bad guy would show up and use that lift to escape? apparently he did.

Not sure if Dolph was the right person for this role but he does look awesome wielding his ginormous sniper rifle...kinda get the impression that's the only reason he was hired for the role. Gina Bellman is the sultry spotter and she is just that...alluring, seductive, sensual and smokin'. Again I couldn't help but think she doesn't quite click with Dolph, they didn't look right together.

A film of two halves is an understatement here, its pretty much two different movies and the half set in the skyscraper is by far the more intriguing. Definitely one of Lundgren's better action flicks seeing as most fall straight into the abyss of oblivion but like I said I think he was miscast here. Lots of sniper porn for gun freaks and an interesting score too I might add.

6/10

Invaders from Mars (1986)

Ah the classic 1953 movie revisited and remade in that classic 80's style with wacky special effects. This really is a treasure chest of 80's gold through and through. Directed by Tobe 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' Hooper, written by Dan 'Alien' O'Bannon and with creature effects by Stan Winston, John 'Star Wars' Dykstra and Alec 'Aliens' Gillis. Doesn't get much better than that folks.

The plot is surprisingly almost identical to the original classic albeit with a few minor changes here and there. One night during a storm a young boy sees a UFO land in an area behind his house (the sandpit?). He tells his parents but of course they don't believe him telling him it was a nightmare. The next day his father investigates and eventually returns with strange marks on the back of his neck, his mannerisms are odd and he seems emotionless and cold. Slowly many townsfolk start acting the same so the young boy tries to alert the authorities but has a hard time making folk believe naturally. Soon enough his school nurse starts to take notice and believe the boy and in time they manage to get the military on board to lay siege to the mysterious sand pit area.

As I already said I was shocked at how faithful this remake is to the source material, it is virtually the same right down to the visual setup. Now this might sound lame (especially with this current horrendous remake trend) but if you've seen the 1953 version its quite cool to see the same stylings revamped (without the use of CGI I might add). The little pathway and hill leading to the sandpit behind the young boys house has been recreated to look just like the original film and it looks splendidly creepy. The alien ship interior is basically along the same kind of lines but obviously much more futuristic (for the time) and of course all the characters are almost identical, although some characters have different job roles here. It was also sweet to see the original lead boy actor from the 1953 version play the police chief in this movie.

The major changes come in the visual effects department for the aliens and obvious things like the spaceship, makeup and a few minor horror moments. You can easily tell the rubbery monster/alien suits are Stan Winston's work, I can tell his creative style a mile away. The main head alien, the brain, was literately that...a fat pink brain that basically looks like Krang from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise. I believe this design did actually surface before the introduction of Krang in the animated TMNT series in 1987, so maybe this movie influenced that cartoon? Anyway this powerful double pupiled alien really looks tremendous if a little motionless.

The other mobile aliens (if you can say that) are quite bizarre, honesty I don't know why they went with this design but they basically look like giant testicles with huge gaping jaws and four legs. Huge lumps of gristle with huge mouths lined with razor sharp teeth and four camel-like legs. Clearly very large and heavy rubber suits with the two front legs being for the performer inside and the rear two probably mainly being stability. Its very clever how they have done it but alas these aliens do look totally cumbersome, not very agile...not very mobile at all really and completely useless in an evolutionary sense. How on earth these aliens managed to build spaceships or develop technology I don't know, there must be other types of alien that helped them.

One thing that does stand out was the bad acting which seemed strange to me seeing as this felt like a biggish production. Yeah sure this is meant to be a science fiction B-movie of course so possibly the cast acted badly on purpose? I kinda doubt it honesty, maybe some did but most I think were just poor, especially the main protagonist, the young boy. This kid really couldn't act, it was quite painful at times. He was also kinda tubby and clearly had trouble running too *giggles*, the amount of times he's running away from someone and its laughable, so slow! I guess when one of the main leads from the first two Return of the Living Dead movies (James Karen) is in the film, you should know to expect some grilled cheese. But honesty no one here is very good, there is lots of hokey shouting, screaming and really obviously slow running away from dangerous things.

Of course the finale won't be much of a surprise if you've seen the original film because this ends the same way. In fact it ends exactly the same accept for the cliffhanger moment before the credits role where all we see is the young boy rushing to his parents room, stopping and screaming in terror. Its a typical 80's finish, the kinda thing you'd see in an 80's horror anthology movie, its left to your imagination...and nightmares.

The tension does seem to have gone from this newer version, I kinda expected it to be a trashy 80's gore fest, the movie poster does lend itself to that. On the other hand I did think it could of been a John Carpenter flick at times, if you didn't know any better it could seem that way, it has those dark comedic tones much like 'They Live'. On the whole its certainly a blast if you're into practical hands-on effects with larger than life creature suits and prosthetics but don't expect many thrills or blood. Considering the director its actually relatively tame.

6/10

Teen Wolf Too (1987)

I'm not sure what's going on with the movies title here, is that suppose to be a clever play on words or something? or maybe just a quirky way of showing its a sequel without using a boring number 2. Anyway this time around we follow the lycanthropic antics of Scott Howard's cousin Todd.

The basic story for this movie is also the basic problem...its exactly the flippin' same. The original movie saw Scott battle with his affliction in high school, dealing with puberty, love, girls, bullies, friends, grades and of course the main issue of his basketball team. In this story Todd has just gotten into his university and has to deal with being a young adult, love, girls, bullies, friends, grades and the main issue of his boxing team. The difference here being Todd doesn't know he's a werewolf and has his first 'wolf-out' occurrence in his new uni surroundings conveniently.

OK so they are pretty much rehashing the first movie...could still be good. Thing is the plot doesn't really add up and is full of blatant idea pinching from the first movie. First off the coach on this uni boxing team is the same coach from Scott's basketball team in high school in the first film! He is actually suppose to be the same person! How would this high school coach now be the coach in this uni at the exact time when Scott's cousin is there? The answer to that is this coach got Todd a full athletic scholarship based on the hopes that Todd is also a werewolf and will turn the uni boxing team into champs. What??!! is that for real?! OK he could help with the scholarship for Todd but how did he manage to become the boxing coach at the same time?? OK OK breathe...

That's one major nonsensical plot point, another is why Scott's father Harold (James Hampton back again) is here. He lives in Beacon Town, Nebraska according to my sources, Todd's university is Hamilton which in reality is located in Colorado (I'm guessing the same for the movie). Now those two states are connected admittedly so its possible these two locations could be close (or not)...but why would Scott's dad be even in this story? Why would he be hanging around and watching the final boxing match? is he staying in a motel somewhere?

Another point that does tend to spring to mind when you watch is why the hell these people haven't turned into mega rich celebrities by now with there impressive family gift. I would of thought by now the science world would be all over them wanting to learn from them, take samples, run tests etc...they'd be on TV, in movies, in papers etc...a new form of humanoid! The fact that Harold flaunts his lycanthropy without a care in the world you'd think many would know by now, he's basically exposing himself. Yet the fact when people do see him as a werewolf they are still shocked...kinda says to me the Howard's haven't come out of the werewolf closet yet. Am I being too picky here? yeah maybe but come on!

The other gaping issues I have with the movie is the continuity or lack of...or shambolic attempt at. OK so I already told you that the coach was suppose to be the same character from the first movie, unfortunately they cast someone who obviously doesn't look like the original guy plus they try to copy the original guys hair and fail. Next up is the classic character of Styles, he's back...but played by someone else. Unfortunately and with great wisdom they cast a clearly much younger person to play Styles plus this guy looks totally and utterly nothing like the original character. Next is John 'Gomez' Astin as the Dean of the university, an original character...oops no, they make him exactly the same character as Principal Thorne in the original movie with the exact same motives. The only proper continuity is Mark Holton as Chubby...wait...did they actually have a musical number in this?

So yeah there are a lot of problems with this movie, glaring easy to spot problems, but its not all bad. They do get the werewolf makeup and prosthetics correct which is nice to see, they do look very close to the original although not quite as good. Jason Bateman does actually fit the role well, he is a likable guy and he does look kinda similar to Fox truth be told, you could believe they are related. That (now) entire cliched 80's frat house vibe is strong here naturally but that's a rose-tinted retro plus point, also check out all the cute 80's girls in their 80's fashions (God I miss the 80's). Lastly the boxing finale is reasonably exciting, it looks OK and relatively realistic, it does just about give you the buzz needed in the end.

In short this movie can't compare to the original in any way. The original had that low budget appeal, a cracking 80's score, some cheeky semi-adult angles and charismatic characters. This movie merely regurgitates the lot but its watered down to appeal to more people. The score doesn't have the same emotional force behind it, the characters are a shadow of their former selves, the new characters are cheap rip-offs of the previous ones and they literately copy the original plot almost scene for scene. One fatal mistake being this time they actually make the main hero character unlikable by the midway point. He becomes such a showboating show off as the wolf and clearly becomes an asshole, where as Scott in the original movie was always likable even with his inflated ego.

Despite all that its still an enjoyable movie I can't deny, maybe its because I grew up with these movies as a kid makes me biased. Even though its a bad sequel, if you try not to think about the superior original and take it as it is, you do have an easy going fun piece of trashy 80's trash.

6/10

Wolves (2014)

The screenwriter for 'X-Men' and 'X-Men 2' casts one of the newer younger X-Men members for the lead in his 'I promise you it's not Twilight for werewolves' movie. In all fairness this isn't a Twilight movie, in fact it's a pretty dark menacing werewolf thriller which actually manages to provide us with a half-decent Jason Momoa performance, he actually fits here.

Plot-wise it the usual thing, a young male isn't sure what's wrong with himself, he has lots of dark nightmares and can do unusual things, turns out he's a werewolf. The beginning of the story is narrated to us by the main character, about his early years and why he ends up running away. From there we follow this young man as he discovers a remote town chock full of werewolves, some good and some bad. He helps out a local old couple on their farm and slowly starts to learn the ways of the town, who runs the show and why and eventually how all this connects to him. Of course this wouldn't be a dark brooding mythical creature flick without a soppy love interest to heighten the tension.

OK so despite the protagonist being a young, smooth-faced, blonde, firm pretty boy, I promise you this isn't a Twilight-esque fantasy. For starters there is blood, gore and body parts in this, not tonnes of it but you won't be left wanting. We are very quickly introduced to a young slightly out of control werewolf who will batter the shit out of anyone when he gets upset, in fact he'll tear anyone limb from limb if he really gets upset.

The plot builds slowly but predictably with the usual type of cliches we've all seen before. The newcomer in a strange town who faces off against the local gang of burly men. The familiar Pa and Ma Kent type scenario as the young Cayden is taken in by an old couple who just happen to own a farm, they look after him and slowly become almost like a family. Of course the old couple have a young daughter whom Cayden falls for and must rescue in the end and there is an obvious twist with the alpha antagonist and the secondary antagonist who pops up at the end...unsurprisingly.

There is no new imaginative angle on werewolf lore here other than the fact that traditional methods to kill a werewolf such as silver bullets, Wolfsbane etc...don't work in this universe. But there are two kinds of werewolf here, a purebred which was born with lycanthropy and 'the bitten' which is self-explanatory, the latter are not as strong and cannot heal as well as a purebred. As always though there is the issue of what can kill a werewolf, in this movie some wolves get killed off by gunshots, explosions or by simply getting slashed (the bitten), which seems a bit useless to me. The purebreds can survive a lot of damage with their health regeneration abilities such as falling from huge heights, suffering badly broken bones and getting beaten half to death...yet in the end the alpha baddie werewolf gets killed with a slash to the throat? Eh??

It is also mentioned that a werewolf can transform whenever he or she wants too, they don't have to wait for a full moon but I think they are stronger under a full moon. In this movie they can transform under strong emotional rushes such as lust or anger, hence they can change when losing control of such emotions, which can cause problems.

Let's not beat around the bush anymore though, the plot is weak and in all honesty most of the characters are pretty bland and unexciting. The films comes to life when these characters change into werewolves...mainly Momoa (alpha baddie) and Till (pretty boy goodie). The makeup effects are really really good, I was totally blown away with the werewolf facial designs and bodysuits. I honesty haven't seen anything this good for a long time, the fur is realistic, the teeth, mouth, nose, eyes and claws are all tremendous looking.

Till looks like a badass version of 'Teenwolf' whereas Momoa looks like a tank of a werewolf! In fact he actually looks too big, almost swollen. I liked how they also incorporated human hair/facial hair into the wolf designs which does make sense as that wouldn't just disappear. The body movement of the characters in wolf mode is also impressively done with live-action stunts and wirework I'm guessing, didn't look like CGI. The fights are also quite brutal and really intense, lots of biting, slashing and ripping as these guys knock chunks out of each other! Full-on werewolf badassery right here folks.

I must also give kudos to John Pyper-Ferguson as Wild Joe, a kind of crazyass skinny, redneck one-eyed cowboy who is the backbone behind the story and turns out to be pretty badass himself. It's just a shame we didn't see more of him fighting as Momoa's band of bitten werewolves are terribly regular looking and badly cast.

Most of this offers nothing new I won't lie to you, end of the day its just another chance to create awesome new hands-on werewolf effects. That's all it's about really, the rest of it can fall by the wayside because it's just filler until we see some lycan action. I like that they made this an adult action gore thriller and there are some lovely shots, use of lighting, editing with the fights etc...it all looks glossy and well made long story short. I love werewolf (and vampire) flicks, this obviously isn't the best werewolf movie I've seen but it was surprisingly entertaining I won't deny...most of that being down to the superb makeup prosthetics.

6/10

Dracula Untold (2014)

The movie previously called 'Dracula: Year Zero' which is no better frankly, I'm guessing the untold means there will be more. Seeing as Universal is doing this whole reboot of their Universal monsters franchises then I'm very sure we will be getting ungodly sequels. What kinda worries me is the fact this movie ends with Dracula in the present day, does this mean more 'Underworld' type shenanigans? rut roh!

OK so lets light this historically gothic candle. First and foremost this isn't the classic Dracula tale oh no, this is a re-imagining of the story...rut roh!! Aaaaand this is where my negativity rant begins...Right off the bat (no pun intended) the plot is fluffed. We find out that a man in a cave (Charles Dance) made a deal with a demon from hell for dark powers long ago, he was tricked by the demon and had to remain in this cave forever as this powerful undead vampire. The hook being he could only break this curse by allowing someone to see him, allow them to escape the cave and then allow them to return...for some reason unknown to me. The problem with this little setup is every person who enters the cave the vampire kills soooo how does he ever intend to be free of the curse?

Following on from that, If a person returns to the cave and drinks the vampires blood he will gain some of the vampires powers...but not all. No in this movie the human gets a three day trial to play with the vampires super powers first and if he doesn't like them he can revert back to a mortal if he manages not to feed on any humans over that three day period (facepalm). If said person does feed on a mortal during the three day period he will turn completely to the dark side and will be a full blown vampire with full powers. This in turn will free the original vampire from his curse and damp cave dwelling for some reason. Not sure why this demon offered a get out clause.

Right got that? no? tough. The actual plot behind this movie is actually well thought out despite the ridiculous re-imagining of Dracula. The historical backdrop of the tale is still in the Middle Ages but now Prince Vlad the Impaler was brought up in the Ottoman Empire as a warrior slave, trained to fight and kill in the Sultan's Janissary corp (this is partly fact, he was actually held hostage by the Turks for a few years). The Janissary corp were an elite fighting force made up of young Christian boys forced into the ranks at a very young age. They were brought up in the ways of Islam and war with strict discipline but given many privileges such as a good education, uniform, pay and a pension (think the Spartans and '300'). In the long run most of the Janissaries became the top dogs in society with their own social class despite starting out as slaves.

I liked this angle very much and the way the writers have tied all this into the classic Dracula story, it actually works well. The Ottoman Empire is of course very much a part of the real Vlad Dracul's history. Here they have tied in his young fictional son (?) and wife into the bargain with the use of the Janissaries and the war against the Turks and their very real historical Sultan Mehmed II.

So the plot is nicely blended in with historical fact to a degree and truthfully the movie starts off really well. The visuals are sumptuous with costumes, sets, props, weapons, flags/standards etc...every tiny detail looking very authentic, it all looks so good you'd think you were watching a genuine epic. Unfortunately things go down hill fast, the first sign of this being the simple fact that Luke Evans as Vlad is all buffed up with a nice overall tan...just like a superhero...how coincidental. I'm going somewhere with this train of thought stick with me.

Well I've said already haven't I...this isn't a movie about Dracula oh no, this is a movie ultimately about Dracula the fecking superhero. That's right folks its as blatant as the red pants in Superman's campy outfit. For a start he is able to defeat entire armies of warriors single handed so all notions of any threat, thrills or danger are gone. His special move involves him (hitting the A and B buttons together) turning into a colony of bats so he can fly all over the place like errmm...a dark superhero, its literately the same as Demitri Maximoff from the Darkstalkers videogame. He can apparently control the weather at will, he can control armies of bats at will (these bats can kill heavily armed troops it seems) and he has special vampire vision whenever he needs it which reverts his eyes to normal so as not to scare the regular folk.

The movie just gets worse and worse I'm afraid, the Ottoman leaders are worried about Vlad's powers and worried he might be scaring their men...so they blindfold them all. Yes you read that right they blindfold every man and march blindfolded into battle. Yet despite all their worries no one is ever seemingly bothered about the supernatural undead tomfoolery going on around them, hell the Turk leaders don't give a shit apparently, average day for them.
I also don't understand, near the end the film shows Dance seemingly turning mortal again in the daylight once all this comes to fruition, but at the end of the movie he returns as a vampire again? anyone?

There it is people, such is the massive influence of comicbook flicks today...they have taken a true literacy horror classic and turned him into a flippin' superhero. I mean seriously he's a good guy here, they humanise him, where's the horror? where's the suspense? Its just another lazy action hybrid with some generic Peter Jackson/Tolkien wannabe action sequences. Holy crapenspiel its basically Superman for fucks sake!! Superman with his army of killer bats.

4/10

Hell Comes to Frogtown (1987)

Sam Hell...Hell comes to Frogtown, nice little play on words there, just like 'Wild Wild West' with James West. This movie came along way after John Carpenter's 'Escape from New York' but the influences are clear. I might also add that this movie probably gave Carpenter a solid reason to cast Piper in the lead of his cult movie 'They Live' which sees him play a similar smartass role.

Sam Hell is one of the last males left alive with a high sperm count, yep that's right. In a post-apocalyptic world (cue lots of desert) where most have succumbed to atomic fallout Mr Hell is one of few who can breed, and breed well. So the organisation of warrior-nurses (a government organisation) grab Hell and force him to breed with sexy females in order to boost the human race...yes you are reading this correctly. Problem is the only group of fertile women around have been pinched by the mutants of Frogtown for...reasons. So its up to the one man army Sam Hell to bust into Frogtown and save the sexy females...then slam dunk em all.

In all honesty this really does sound like a big pile of low budget, cheap-ass, tacky soft porn poo. The entire notion is like something from the Flesh Gordon franchise for nipples sake...errr I mean Pete's sake. One stud left in a post-apocalyptic world who must boink all the lovely ladies as part of his job...oh geez! The funny thing is the movie is indeed a cheap silly throwaway piece of fluff but its also a semi-worthy trashfest.

If you didn't know any better you'd swear this was a John Carpenter flick, but as said that's probably because director Jackson has taken most ideas from 'Escape from New York'. The whole concept of having Hell locked into a government owned steel chastity belt that will explode if he runs off or tries to tamper with it is a blatant ripoff. Sure the idea is childishly amusing and makes for some cringeworthy moments of overacting but its basically a below the belt version (no pun intended) of Snake Plissken's internal explosive device.

His mission is all too familiar as well, a high risk rescue from the mutants of Frogtown. He's gotta zip in and out rescuing the damsels without anyone realising what's happened, only then will his groin be released. Luckily he does have two sexy females to accompany him on the mission...if they can stop trying to hump him of course. Strangely enough this isn't really sexy even though it sounds like it, way too many shots of a half naked Piper for my liking.

Then of course you have the character of Hell who is pretty much a carbon copy of Mr Plissken. He has the shaggy long hair, the unusual attire which looks like a mish mash of styles, weapons galore and of course a gruff, butch, chauvinistic wisecracking persona. The only difference here is Hell is more of a comedic character for the most part, almost like a parody. Seriously though why does he have those two long bits of red cloth at the front and rear of his jeans?? It looks like a native American influence...but why??!

The enemy here are humanoid amphibians, mutants, but I was unsure if they were suppose to be mutated humans or actual mutated amphibians from the atomic fallout. If they were indeed real frogs before the mutation I must ask where on earth all these frogs came from to make up this big population! plus why just amphibians? why nothing else? There also seems to be various types of amphibians too, like bullfrogs and a salamander?

Most of the main amphibian characters are rubber masks and bodysuits which admittedly worked pretty well, the large rubber masks were accurate looking and appropriately wet n slimy. It all looks a bit basic these days of course, the mouths don't move very well with no lip sync whilst the rubber suits are obvious, but they do the job and at least look like real frogs. Most background characters are simple makeup jobs which stand out a bit but lets not get too picky here (ahem).

Most of the movie does look cheap and doesn't really have much going for it. There is a sort of car chase sequence near the end, some sort of fisticuffs between characters which is all too fake looking and a little bit of sexy tomfoolery with boobies. I did like the use of the old abandoned steel mill for Frogtown (I presume it was a steel mill, could be wrong). For the most part its all a bit rubbish though, there isn't any real pending threat to anyone at any point which is the main issue. I always got the impression they could just sit down and have a good natter over everything as the mutants don't seem all that bad.

Its easy to see why this has become a cult classic, especially with a title like that. In my opinion its all down to the great performance by Roddy Piper who is a really solid action comedy star and very much underrated if you ask me. This guy has proved himself twice with this movie and 'They Live', he knows how to deliver cornball lines, he's endearing, quirky, amusing, looks good and somehow makes all this shit seem really decent. This whole thing dangles by a thread...if it wasn't for Piper and some good rubber mask work, it would be complete pants.

6/10

Horrible Bosses 2 (2014)

The first movie was quite the success and I thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish. The whole concept of wanting to murder ones work boss really hit a cord with me and many others I'm sure. Why? because it was completely relatable for most common regular folk, us mortals that toil in crappy soul destroying jobs. That concept and the movie was also similar to another fantastic comedy 'Office Space' which I think helped with its popularity.

Now we have the much anticipated sequel which reunites all of the original cast...accept for Farrell, did I say anticipated? This time around the three main guys are trying to start their own business with a homemade invention. They go to Hanson (Waltz as a wealthy businessman) to pitch their idea, Hanson likes it and makes a big order. Later on down the road Hanson screws them over and basically puts the guys up shit creek without a paddle. What do they do next? well they decide to kidnap Hanson's son Rex (Pine) but discover its harder than they expected. Things then take a twist as Rex decides to assist them in getting back at his emotionless father.

That's the one thing this movie does have in its favour and that's twists, although they aren't hard to spot but at least they are there. There are a few mini plots going on here with different characters at different times, its not confusing but in fact essential to keeping this films head above the water. Obviously everything comes together at the end and is tied up in a neat package with a pretty bow. Did I enjoy the ride though? well kinda I guess, the main problem here is the plot is so very bland, cliched, unoriginal and non-engaging. The reason why the first film worked was, as I said, you could relate to it, you can't relate to this because most people don't go around kidnapping other people.

They have shifted from a solid idea to this very meh idea which is just typical Hollywood spiel. It starts off quite funny I'll admit, the dirty and childish visual gag of Day wanking off Sudeikis and then giving him a reach around (trick of the eye gag) is actually very funny. When the guys are carrying out their plan to pinch some laughing gas from Dale's old sex obsessed boss Julia Harris (Aniston), the walkie talkie camaraderie between the three is hilarious. Bateman's blank, dry, deadpan expressions of exasperation as his two buddies continuously fudge up and prove how imbecilic they are is comedy gold. Day does get slightly annoying as the hyperactive fast talking Dale, can't stand too much of that character, whilst Sudeikis as Kurt is a worthy comedic foil to Nicks (Bateman) level-headed sensibilities.

Around the point where the guys meet up with Rex to discuss his diabolical plan is where this film starts to lose its way. Up to then it was quite funny with some admittedly solid laughs and good sleazy toilet humour. But as the plot goes down the stupid Hollywood action route which ends in car chases, police activity and gun play it ceases to be funny and merely becomes very meh. It was still a joy to see Aniston dress like a slut and hear her talk like an even dirtier slut describing how much she loves cock, loved her character in both films. Twas also great to see Spacey do his evil tyrant thing again which he does oh so well, apart from that everyone else is by the books frankly.

I'm afraid its the usual error that Hollywood just keeps making. Every time a film does well they have to make a sequel no matter what the original film was about. I've said it before and I'll say it again, certain films don't require sequels, they are stand alone flicks, one shot deals, lightning in a bottle. Just because a film does well that doesn't mean you have to try and franchise it! and this is another perfect example. The first film was very funny and it did well, right...now leave it at that! There was never a need to make a sloppy bottom of the barrel scraping sequel, it was never gonna be better or do as well.

5.5/10